Saturday, April 25, 2020
Last night I made a mistake ordering pizza from Domino’s and now I am likely not to order from the company again. My significant other, Donald, will probably continue to support Domino’s twice a month as usual, but if I am paying, my money will go to another restaurant. I am happy to admit my part in the error, but most of the time, the customer is right even when they are wrong. As far as I am concerned, this is one of those “customer is right” times.

Donald told me to order pizza and I thought I made my usual order of two-for-7.99 medium specialty pizzas off a coupon and added a free rewards pizza to the order for a total of three pizzas. When the pizzas arrived, the delivery only contained two pizzas, one specialty and the free rewards pizza. I assumed I forgot to change the quantity of the specialty pizza to two, so my coupon did not take. I have made this exact order approximately every three months and never had an issue before now.

I called the location and told the manager I did not notice my coupon did not carry over when I made my order and got one full-price pizza instead of two on the coupon. I explained I paid more for one pizza than the two the coupon would have covered, and when I offered to pick up the second pizza, noting that I would have paid less if the coupon had worked online, I was told no. The manager told me I could no longer use a free reward code and their coupon at the same time. That “coupon” has been Domino’s regular price for at least two years, and I reject their plan to change the terms of their rewards program when pizza chains are probably the least hurt financially by the COVID-19 shutdown. I just wanted another pizza, not any money back. I will quit shopping at Domino's (although I am sure Donald will still order takeout) and left a bad review I am sure nobody will read.

I am most disappointed by the manager telling me the rewards program has changed. Domino’s had one of the best rewards programs from a large corporation. I have joined rewards programs from Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Office Max, and more during the past twenty-some years and they were all worthless. You had to jump so many hurdles to redeem your rewards, it was a waste of time. You could get three percent back, but the money expired every six months, or you could only redeem points with other extreme limitations such as during certain weeks. Either give me a real, free reward that does not require me to pay for anything else or get out of the reward business.

In other news, my cancer vacation is officially over. I had an appointment with Dr. Doom and Gloom on Thursday and had to confess I had managed to completely heal the pressure wound on my tail bone that was open to exposed bone in February. Growing skin is still my superpower! I restart with a new chemotherapy drug on May 8, 2020 and I am a little concerned about mixing the COVID-19 pandemic with the suppressed immune system the chemotherapy will give me. Dr. Doom and Gloom told me none of his chemotherapy patients have contracted COVID-19 and the office was not routinely ordering precautionary tests before starting treatments. I am choosing to trust my doctor’s judgment; he has not led me astray yet. (that I know)

I will miss my cancer break. I have not had many doctor appointments, so I was able to focus on terrorizing my seven-year-old, Mika, into doing her schoolwork from home. My biggest complaint about my cancer is still the time commitment. I have managed to stay healthy and continue to gain a little weight while I have been on my cancer break, so I am a happy camper even if I need to jump back in the action.

My piece of advice to you is to choose your mountains to die on carefully. Donald frequently tells our children, “There is nothing hurt but your pride.” when they fall, and I agree. I will get over my annoyance with Domino’s because I have better uses for my brain than tripping over a mistake.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Friday, April 24, 2020
It is probably because I do not personally use toilet paper, but I saw a Charmin advertisement stating the company was working hard to get stores restocked and I thought, “Who cares?” Yes, I remember there is a difference in how ply’s and brands of toilet paper clean and feel, but are Charmin, Target brand, and Cottonelle really that different? I use a washcloth or baby wipe on my bootie so it either goes in the trash or laundry, not the toilet. Since I got the colostomy last year, we have switched mostly to baby wipes because they are thinner than washcloths and can clean the bag grooves better. I could not care less what brand the wipes are if we can get some; so far so good.

My seven-year-old, Mika, had a playdate with her friend Lily today. Yes, we are concerned about COVID-19, but we are not paralyzed by it. Both our families are taking precautions and continuing with our lives. At this point I need to confess I am writing the rest of this journal entry in December and was not smart enough to make notes about what the girls did or what my friend Crystal and I talked about while she was here. I know whatever we talked about was brilliant, because Crystal always tells me I need to write about the stories I tell her when she leaves a playdate, but alas, today’s stories might be lost to the cosmos.

I think I need to write today and tomorrow and then I have through the first week of May written. I started a new chemotherapy at that point and was a mess until the end of September and unmotivated until December. I did write notes and paragraphs on some of those days in between; however, I am expecting to open at least 100 completely blank pages. I could simply skip all those days, so I do not feel behind, but I am a glutton for punishment and decided I can write a current page and a past page each day until I catch up sometime in May 2021.

I have approximately ten posts about pregnancy which I posted shortly after Mika was born on a WordPress blog; I will check to see if any of those could be repurposed to fill in a blank day and put my thoughts in one place for my family to find. I also have more than 100 business blogs on my website. I may not be able to repurpose those words into a personal perspective as easily as the pregnancy posts, but I am resourceful and may be able to make most of them relatable.

When you reach the December posts I am currently writing, you will discover I am on steroids and not sleeping. I am going to try to record some childhood stories on a voice recorder for someone else to transcribe for me while trapped in bed. Retelling stories is not the same as saying I am going to die out loud, so I think I can speak those words without giving them power if I can operate the voice recorder lying down in the dark. Wish me luck!

I keep a detailed calendar, so my brain may get refreshed as I go simply by looking at what I had scheduled for a day without notes. Realistically, the specific thoughts are gone forever if I did not notate them well because it has simply been too long, and five of those months were too miserable to want to remember. I will not mind not trying to remember those days. I expect I will look at a scheduled doctor’s appointment listed on my calendar and wonder what we even talked about that day.

My piece of advice to you is not to dwell. I have released the idea of recreating my “in the moment” thoughts for seven months. I know some of those days will successfully reload in my brain and others can be let go. I have restarted the continuous play-by-play writing in December refreshed and even more determined than before to leave my final thoughts for my friends and family to remember.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Thursday, April 23, 2020 
During the past month, I have been bombarded by political ads for an issue for which most of the people exposed to the ads are not able to cast a vote. Pueblo is a city consisting of approximately 110,000 residents. Colorado Spring, however, consists of nearly 500,000 residents. There may be up to 400,000 more residents in each city’s metropolitan and rural areas served by our local television stations. Pueblo has a contentious ballot question scheduled for their May 5th election. The May 5th election will continue as planned because the state of Colorado had the good sense to switch to mail-in ballots for all elections several years ago.
 
Residents of Colorado can still vote in person if we choose to, but most people simply mail or drop off their ballots. I saw a news report, probably slightly before the Wisconsin primary election last month, that mentioned the only way to successfully implement a mail-in election was to include postage-paid reply envelopes. I do not think postage-paid reply envelopes are necessary. We do not receive postage-paid reply envelopes in Colorado, and it was reported that Colorado had the second highest percentage of voter turnout for the 2018 mid-term elections. We have drop-off boxes located in many locations across the state. There were at least 20 drop-off boxes in Colorado Springs for the presidential primary vote earlier this year.
 
The contentious ballot question the city of Pueblo has coming up is about whether the city should have a municipally owned utility company. Pueblo does not currently have a municipally owned utility company. I have heard utility horror stories from the residents serviced by the company that provides Pueblo’s (and the surrounding areas) utilities about the company’s bad policies and service. I do not know which decision is best for Pueblo residents. Since 1924, Colorado Springs has had a municipally owned utility company.
 
I have a separate water and sewer company because I do not technically live in Colorado Springs. The section of town I live in has its own water and sewer company established in1956. Colorado Springs has since annexed most of the city to the north, east, and west of my area, but our little section has apparently resisted. I have lived here almost 13 years and annexation has never come up at any time. Colorado Springs Utilities does provide my electricity and gas, so we get the best of both worlds as far as I am concerned.
 
The contentious ballot question basically asks, should Pueblo create their own municipally owned utility company or stick with the for-profit company. Living in a municipally owned utility company area, I would advise someone to make that choice, however it is complicated. I consider myself to be politically conservative and socially liberal, yet I also strongly believe in government services/programs that benefit the greater good. I support paying taxes for roads, schools, and recreation areas, and I think there is a point where the open market is not the best choice for our citizens and government should step in.
 
Every week at least four trash companies drive big trucks through my neighborhood damaging my streets. I have not researched it so I could very well be completely wrong, but I feel it would be better for the streets and environment if the city were divided into areas and only one company serviced an area each week. We could vote every four years for the company instead of creating a bidding process to make it more “open market” if necessary. Trash removal does not need to be a government entity, but it might be nice to have it government regulated.
 
My piece of advice to you is to go with your gut. No matter what the citizens of Pueblo decide, there will be good parts and bad parts, and nobody will be entirely happy. Personally, I am going to be happy on May 5th when the ads finally stop running and I do not have to deal with the repercussions of the decision.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020
Yesterday I attended a Zoom networking event for one of the businesswomen’s groups I belong to. Although I would rather be at an event like this in person, I still feel the connection feeds my soul. We use Zoom, so we still get to see everyone’s face when they are talking. I am the only one who does not have my camera straight on because my webcam is to the right of my computer screen. I try to remember to turn my face and look directly at the webcam when I am speaking so people can see my face better.

As luck would have it, I had my Zoom call with my new client an hour after my networking meeting. I questioned her as to what she was looking to get out of using social media and I realized social media was not the right fit for the results she wanted. My client is not simply looking to make money, she wants to make friends. Making true connections is the entire premise of the networking group I had attended earlier and rarely happens through social media. Once you are a member of the networking group, it is easy to send connection requests to other members across the country.

Frequently a first connection involves a few questions back and forth about your life and a little about your business, but most importantly to discover if you have chemistry. If it turns out you like each other, you schedule more connections to get to know each other better and possibly help each other in business. Sometimes a connection becomes a client. Sometimes a connection refers you or shares your social media posts. Sometimes your connection simply becomes your friend, and those are the best connections of all.

I told my new client she would be better served to reach out to three people a week though the networking website than social media because the networking website people are also looking for friends and clients, and are accustomed to doing connect meetings regularly. With Zoom, she can connect across the country.

Yesterday, was the 200th day for my journal entries. I have written a little more than 140,000 words during those 200 days. The more I write, the harder it seems to write some days. I know the idea that writing gets harder as I go along sounds counterintuitive, writing should be routine right now and it simply is not. I think the problem is that I cannot keep myself on a routine for writing. I know the best routine for writing for me. I need to write about the day before, first task every morning.

I know if I completed my journal entry as my first task every morning, I would never fall behind on my journal entries. So why do I not write first every day? I keep telling myself I want to leave this written record of my thoughts to my family, especially my seven-year-old, Mika, who will not have me around for her teenage years. So why do I not write first every day? I do enjoy reading the words I wrote again when I schedule them to my blogs. Some days I write very touching words. So why do I not write first every day?

In this moment, I have decided I do not write first every day because, in the back of my mind, my daily writing is an admission of the truth and Denial is still my favorite friend. I have had the luxury of not even writing much about my cancer for the past two months because I have been on a chemotherapy treatment break, yet when I write about my daughter’s birthday I am wondering, “How many more birthdays will I get to write about going forward?” My daily writing is starting to erode my connection to Denial and Denial is fighting back. Denial tells me to do my client work first and write later. Denial says, just make notes, you can write the full entry later, “What, you have an unfinished entry from six weeks ago? It is okay, you can catch up on Saturday.” “What, you are feeling tired? Watch Netflix instead of writing, you do not need to think.”

My piece of advice to you is to let Denial have her day. I know the truth of my untimely end and I do accept it. Acceptance is not surrender.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Today is the first time I do not need to tell my older daughter, Megan, to make good choices on her birthday. Since the state of Colorado still has a stay-at-home order, Megan does not have the opportunity to make bad choices. Today is Megan’s 25th birthday. I now have two children at least a quarter century old. Yesterday and this morning, I kept acting like I did not remember today was Megan’s birthday. I kept talking about another exciting point about today. Megan was not buying it. I am having Megan’s dad pick up a cake for her after he gets off work. Megan will be extremely disappointed if she gets here tonight and there is not any chocolate cake waiting for her.

Megan might be able to start back to her massage job next week. We are not certain how jobs will play out next week when our stay-at-home order expires Sunday night. I would not be surprised if some people who have a stash of fireworks choose to set them off at midnight Monday morning. Non-essential businesses may open Monday with restrictions. Bars, restaurants, and other businesses that encourage large groups, are not allowed to open Monday. Massage was not specifically addressed on the news, but the massage therapists I spoke to today thought they could open Monday.

I do not think Megan plans to go back to work as a massage therapist so soon. I understand how a massage therapist could protect their client adequately, but how can the massage therapist be protected? It will be difficult to give a massage to someone wearing a mask. I think it will be extremely hard for a client to breathe through the little face hole wearing a mask, and I think the N95 masks are still difficult to get.

The reason Megan would wait to start her massage job is my health. We would like to think the stay-at-home order is being lifted because new COVID-19 cases are not being discovered any more. Unfortunately, I do not think that is the reason, neither does Megan. Megan does not want to get me sick. Part of the reason Megan does not want me to get sick is if I go into the hospital, she does not have a job, but the other reason is she really loves me, and I am in the high risk for death group.

Whatever Megan chooses when the time comes, we will make it work even if she needs to shower before she can touch me. I do not expect we will need to resort to showers, but one never knows. People may not even want to get massages right away. Close physical contact for long periods of time is one of the best ways to spread COVID-19 so many people may decide massages are too risky. Time will tell.

Megan’s roommates are going to get takeout food for her tonight, so she will have a little celebration with friends. Megan will probably end up with two chocolate cakes, one at her house and one at our house. It will be like she fell asleep and woke up in chocolate cake heaven.

Megan was my “baby” for a lot of years and even though she is now the “unloved” middle child, I love her very much. Megan tries to throw in the unloved middle child line as much as she can, but when you are already 17 when you become the middle child, that argument simply does not fly. Megan insists she is my favorite child because of a statement I made when we were in Dallas together alone when she was 12 or 13. Megan does not remember my exact words, so she cannot use them against me. I do remember my words and maybe, if I ever start recording goodbye videos again, I will gift Megan those words after I pass. Perhaps not, it would be fun to die knowing Megan will wonder until she dies many, many years from now.

My piece of advice to you is to celebrate your children as much as you can. I decided that for at least her birthday, I could dedicate an entire journal entry to Megan so she can see I really can focus on her and only her. Tomorrow Megan can be the unloved middle child again.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Monday, April 20, 2020
Today is one of those days. I worked so hard the past three days to get all my March journal posts completed, today I do not want to write. I have made ridiculous mistakes while working so far today, and the day is still young. It is still a great day; it is simply less great than other great days.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I usually start the day with editing a video for my seven-year-old’s, Mika, YouTube channel. On Monday, I edit Mika’s Wednesday video, which is often nice and short. This week it will end up nice and short, but we recorded it a few times to get a good flow, so it took me awhile to edit the video because I needed to watch several takes. When I finished editing the video, I clicked the button to save the project as a video and… the program froze and… I did not save the project before I hit the save as a video button.

If you did not follow my path, I lost the work I had just done. It is my own fault. I know the program occasionally freezes when I click the save as button, so I try to remember to save the project before I click the save as button. I am a human who forgets frequently, so somedays I get to do my work twice (today is someday). On the bright side, I did remember the clips I had chosen the first time and did not need to watch each take again. Mika’s video was completed again and saved in a timely manner.

Later today, Mika was playing with the coins in her coin bank and noticed the Georgia state quarter. Mika asked me why it had a “butt fruit” on the back. I looked at the quarter and, sure enough, the peach does look a bit like a bootie. I am fairly sure from now on whenever Mika sees a Georgia state quarter, she will continue to call it a butt fruit quarter. I will need to take Mika to a grocery store this summer to see if she thinks an actual peach is a butt fruit in real life.

Wednesday last week I accepted a new, one-project client. I am not actively seeking new clients and do not plan to accept any new long-term clients, but I am willing to work for someone new on a one-and-done or short-time project. My new client emailed me a couple of weeks ago asking if I thought my online social media training was a good fit for her. I asked her what she wanted to learn and told her my online training did not line up with what she was looking for. My new client emailed me last week asking how much custom training would cost for what she wanted, and we agreed on a price. Tomorrow we will have a Zoom call to nail down the particulars of our agreement.

A week ago, I watched an episode of God Friended Me, and I keep moving the thought to another day because I run out room and I do try to keep my writings to a single page. Today, I have room! In the show the main character’s sister, Ally, has started chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer. In this episode, Ally had a clump of hair come off her head. Ally promptly shaved her head to rock her bald head. The scene reminded me of when my hair started falling out after I started the slash and burn chemotherapy.

Megan, my older daughter, was combing my hair about two weeks after my first chemotherapy treatment and she told me more hair was combing out than usual. A few minutes later I hear her say, “Oops!” I asked Megan if a clump of hair fell out and she said, “Nooooo.” In a tone that convinced me she was lying. I saw Megan close her hand to keep me from seeing the clump in her fist. Megan was concerned I would be upset when I actually started seeing my hair fall out. Two weeks later I was bald; I rocked my bald head.

My piece of advice to you is to let your children lie to you sometimes. I use a quote in my social media now that I wrote after the day my hair really started falling out and Megan lied to me. “You know your child really loves you when they will lie to your face to protect your feelings.”

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Sunday, April 19, 2020
I feel like April is flying by. I am sure part of that fast time sensation.is a result of me still completing some of my March journal entries. By the end of today, I should be able to focus my brain on April. I have one journal entry that only needs two paragraphs and one journal entry that is slightly more than halfway completed. Once I complete those two journal entries, I can let go of my exceptionally long March and welcome my very short April. It will be cathartic when I get to simply read and add 20 days in a row to my master journal file. I can quit feeling like a slacker because I cannot complete the simple task of writing one page each day.

I started today with a pretty good laugh. I watch Sunday Morning on CBS before I get out of bed on Sundays and this week the fifth clip in a series featuring Jim Gaffigan staying at home in New York City with his wife and five children was aired. This morning the clip was about his messy, destructive children. It made me laugh even though the “mess” was obviously staged. In my house, my seven-year-old’s, Mika, mess is so much more than a single juice box on an otherwise empty table (I do not even have an empty table in my house). I believed the destroyed chair was real, and I am surprised, with five children, there is only one.

Yesterday, Mika discovered she likes shaving crayons into nothingness. How did Mika make this amazing discovery, you may wonder. Let me enlighten you. It was quite cold last week on Easter, so the Easter Bunny did not leave any eggs in the yard for hunting. I have a plastic baggie with six or seven plastic eggs that were liberated when Mika and I purged her toys. Yesterday, Mika decided she wanted to do an egg hunt.

Mika looked around the house for goodies to place inside the eggs and proceeded to hide the eggs around my lower level great room. Mika could teach a master class in egg hiding. I had insisted she stack up the foam letters she had been playing with earlier in the day, and she stuck an egg in the middle of the pile. Next Mika grabbed a glove and placed an egg in it. Mika decided the egg was too obviously visible in the glove, so she started stuffing the glove with crayons for fingers. Do you see where this is going?

Mika took the wrapper off a crayon, and when I asked her why she told me she needed to shave it a little bit to fit inside the glove. Mika paused from egg hiding to shave the crayon and then finished hiding her eggs so she could have her sister, Megan, hunt for them when Megan came back to our house last evening. I thought the crayon shaving was finished. I was wrong.

When I rolled to let the dogs out of the back door shortly before it was time for Mika to quit using the computer, I saw another pile of crayon shavings beside the keyboard. Mika looked at me and said, ”What? It is fun.” The only mission more fun than making a mess or destroying an object to a child is one that involves making a mess while destroying an object. Shaving crayons was obviously an instant hint.

Mika did have Megan do an egg hunt after Megan put me in bed last night. I forgot to ask Megan how it went this morning before she left. I am sure Mika had to give Megan several hints. Mika did such a good job of hiding the eggs, I wonder if she remembered where all of them were hidden. We might be cleaning someday and find an egg in an odd place. I was pleasantly surprised to find all the crayons still in a large pile on the floor and not shaved into piles across the room. I would have preferred the crayons be inside their bag and on the shelf, but only other people’s kids put away objects when they are finished with them.

My piece of advice to you is to love the mess. Mika has a much smaller mess since we tossed or donated two-thirds of her toys earlier this year, and eventually I will get clutter clearing volunteers at my house again. Perhaps a year or two from now, I can stage my messes too.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Saturday, April 18, 2020
Saturdays are when my significant other, Donald, usually does the weekly grocery shopping. Donald does not have any patience. I learned a little patience after my accident; I am pretty sure Donald lost most of his since then. Today, after Donald came back home, he told me the restrictions needed to be lifted soon or one of these weeks he would probably be banned from the grocery store for swearing at an employee.

Apparently, a gentleman passed out at the grocery store. The gentleman had regained consciousness and was talking to the several employees who had congregated when Donald got to the aisle. Donald ventured into the aisle, maintaining physical space, to grab some tater tots. For some odd reason, I have really enjoyed tater tots the past couple of weeks. I remember writing a few weeks (or months) back that I did not understand how the school could ruin the taste of tater tots. Donald does not ruin the taste of tater tots.

When Donald entered the tater tot aisle, an employee told him the aisle was closed. Donald has been around me through most of my occasional faints, so he does not consider fainting to be a serious medical condition, if you regain consciousness quickly. Donald told me there was not any blood or bodily fluids, so there was not any reason to close an entire aisle. Donald is also not sympathetic.

I paused to do my morning scroll through my Facebook feed and was pleasantly surprised Facebook’s algorithm decided to show me happy posts. I saw the best post I have seen yet, since we have been on our stay-at-home order (I also saw another really good one). The post read, “If anyone is not working/not getting a paycheck and runs out of food, for you, your children or your pets, please don’t go to sleep with an empty stomach. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to send me a private message. I will be more than happy to drop a bag of groceries at your door. I will confidentially drop and go with no direct contact for everyone’s safety. We are all human and we are all in this together. I live to serve” I wanted to actually  initiate a hug after reading that post. If I could have given her a hug through the Internet if I would.

The second post I liked was one about us all not being in the same boat. Two different people posted it. It read that we are all in the same ocean, but we are all in different boats. I can relate to that sentiment, which is why I appreciated the first post so much. My family is one of the lucky ones. We all still have a job; and we can still buy food. No one in my household is going to sleep with an empty stomach.

I know hunger could be an issue with many people in my area. Hunger is not likely an issue for most of the people in my neighborhood, because I live in a neighborhood full of retirees and essential workers. However, last week the news posted how many free meals the school districts had handed out. My school district gave out the most free meals, and the number was more than 30 percent higher than the second-place district. The second-place school district also includes several low-income neighborhoods.

If I rolled ten blocks from my house, I would probably find a family in distress for every 20 or so houses. Situations like the one we are in now, is when I become acutely aware of my limitations. I want to buy a bag of groceries and deliver it to another neighborhood. I want to sew masks and bonnets. I want to do free babysitting for the parents who need to continue working a low-wage job. My boat is afloat; I want to help other people keep their boats from sinking.

My piece of advice to you is to work around your limitations. I know the 15 households on my block are on floating boats. On the next nice day, I am going to take my seven-year-old, Mika, with me to ring doorbells, and I am going to meet five neighbors on the street next to me and offer my help. Just because the majority of my neighbors are afloat, it does not mean there are not any sinking through the cracks.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Friday, April 17, 2020
I have been a writing Ninja today. I would like to say I have caught up on all my March journal entries today, but that would be a lie. I did complete three of my unfinished entries, and I still have a couple of hours left of writing time today. This week has been a difficult week for writing. I have yet to complete a single day’s journal entry this week. (Why, oh why, did I write those words out loud?) I was finally going to finish completely the first entry in several days, and now I will be completing this entry tomorrow along with the rest from this week.

I wrote the first few sentences for today, and then my peace fell apart. I spent an hour helping my seven-year-old, Mika, with her schoolwork. I cannot trust Mika to do her online schoolwork on her own. I keep catching Mika playing video games instead of doing her schoolwork, so I made her do it with me watching her. Mika is behind for her math assignments, so I made her do two day’s work.

After Mika finally finished her homework, one of my clients sent a request that took me almost an hour to complete. It was still during work hours, barely, and now it is almost time for supper. I quit writing for the day at supper time. I hope to complete a few more paragraphs before supper is served, and I will write the last few paragraphs tomorrow. I was having such a good writing day until I wrote it out loud.

I set today and tomorrow aside to catch up on my journal writing. I wanted to get through at least five unfinished days today and five unfinished days tomorrow. Today and tomorrow are the only days I need to start from scratch, so I thought I could get caught back up in only two days. If I do not take a walk tomorrow, I maty still be able to complete my catchup task. The weather is forecasted to be 60 degrees, but the weather person has said there will be rain in the afternoon, so I will likely wimp out of an afternoon walk.

Mika and I have not taken a walk since last Saturday, the temperature has been too low to get me out of the house other than for my wound care appointment yesterday. Trust me, if wound care could be done virtually, I would sign up in a heartbeat. I seem to get one of the crummiest days of the month each time I have a wound care appointment. Last Thursday was nice, next Thursday is forecasted to be nicer than yesterday. I think the wound care gods do not like my super skin growing power.

Now that I have calmed back down from my annoyance at having my writing groove interrupted, I am only slightly miffed that I will not likely get back to complete the fourth March journal post today. My brain will probably remember those past details better after a good night’s rest. My tired evening brain is why I do not write after supper. My words stop making sense, and my fat typing knuckle makes so many more mistakes. I strike double letters often enough at the beginning of the day.

By the end of the day, I type sentences full of missed strikes and a bunch of vc, io, fg, qw combinations. I get tired of correcting my work, and by the end of the day an i looks like an l which aggravates me because I do not see why spell check puts a red line under a word that looks correct to me. I see phantom spaces and missing periods, and I just blew this document up to 200 percent because I need new reading glasses. I cannot get new glasses because eye appointments are a non-essential task. I have held off getting new glasses because chemotherapy is robbing me of my eyesight, and I do not know how long new glasses will work. I may finally be annoyed enough to spend money on me, and I cannot do it for several more weeks.

My piece of advice to you is to keep plugging on. It is after 6:00 p.m., but we have not had dinner yet, so I did finish writing today’s journal entry today. I am still not going to finish the other journal entry I planned to do because it is after 6:00 p.m., I am hungry!

Until next time,
Susanne

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Thursday, April 16, 2020
I rode a limousine to and from my wound care appointment. Okay, it was the city bus, but it felt like a limousine. Today was the first day I have ridden on the bus for four weeks. Approximately two weeks ago, physical space for bus drivers was implemented. Our transit system had announced, in an effort to keep riders at least six feet from drivers, riders were requested to board the bus from the back door and fares would be waived. Today, I was able to see physical space for bus drivers in action.

Even with physical space for bus drivers implemented, I still board the bus through the front door because I use a wheelchair and the ramp is located inside the front door. When I rolled on the bus, both sets of seats were already raised, so I could roll right into the wheelchair space of my choosing. There was caution tape wrapped across the aisle directly behind the two wheelchair spaces to prevent the patrons from getting too close to the driver and the few riders allowed to travel in the front.

I felt like a very important passenger. I did not even see other passengers because nobody else boarded from the front while I was riding, and I cannot turn my face around enough to see people behind me. I could learn to like physical space on buses. The driver told me the routes were still pretty full because people were taking advantage of the free rides. Personally, I am not going to risk my life to save 85 cents, but I am happy to save 85 cents (times two) for a medically necessary appointment.

I had a good would care appointment today. I was wearing a mask since when I left the house because it is difficult for me to put a mask on by myself. I decided I would leave the mask on until I got off the bus back in my neighborhood. Breathing into a mask can restrict oxygen flow a little. My blood pressure was 63/30 when I was first checked. The nurses cheated and took my blood pressure after I was transferred into the bed because your blood pressure is generally higher lying down. It was. I managed to gain anther three pounds during the past four weeks even without steroids. I rock! I am kicking cancer’s bootie!

One of the nurses has not been around on Thursdays since August because of a conflict with one of her master’s degree classes, so she inquired about my health. I gave the nurse a quick synopsis of my terminal diagnosis and she asked, “Are you journaling?” I laughed and told the nurse I started my journal two days after my terminal diagnosis, and I have been writing more than 600 words a day. I decided when I bundle the first 100 days into a book, I will gift a copy to the nurses to pass around if they like.

When Dr. Dash came into my room to check my wounds, she told me my tailbone still had a very tiny open spot under a skin flap, but it was healed enough to restart chemotherapy treatments again. Lucky me, I get to poison myself again. I am not going to lie; it has been genuinely nice not thinking about cancer killing me lately. Of course, I have been thinking about COVID-19 killing me instead. Same problem, different day. I rode my limousine home and gratefully took off my mask when the bus pulled away after letting me off.

My older daughter, Megan, told me the chiropractor she does massages for let her know he qualified for a Paycheck Protection Program loan. Megan and his other two employees will start getting paychecks next week. I do not know about the doctor’s other employees, but Megan does not qualify for unemployment because she takes care of me, so that money is very appreciated by Megan. Megan lost at least half her income when she lost her other two jobs and had not yet built her emergency fund after buying her house, so she has not had much spending money the past month.

My piece of advice to you is to enjoy your limousine, even when it is truly a bus. I am sure a lot of us have been beaten down by our current circumstances. The rainbow is forming, take the time to look for it.

Until next time,
Susanne

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