Sunday, May 10, 2020
On Tuesday, my seven-year-old, Mika, and I had our weekly walk to school to pick up a bagged lunch. We do not need to get a lunch from the school, the food we already have at home is much better than what the school sends home with us. Mika and I walk to the school each week simply to get out of the house for a while and have a purpose. The school provides lunches every day, but the food is not particularly good so once a week is enough for me. Plus, it is still chilly most days and I do not want to leave the house.

On Wednesday, I called one of my video recording volunteers to chase down a late recording of my friend reading one of my journal entries. This is the fourth time I have felt desperate about getting a video posted on my scheduled day. The first two times I had video issues I was able to get last-minute replacement readers. This time and the time before I was able to connect with my volunteers and they recorded their videos right away so I could get them posted on time.

While I was talking to my volunteer on Wednesday, she asked me if I wanted her to tell me about any typos she found in my writing.  I told her yes and she told me I had written mikes instead of miles in her assigned post. I have decided I have watched too much Seal Team if I am starting to use military terms in my writing. My volunteer sent me the completed recording Wednesday night, so I was able to edit and upload the video on Thursday and it was ready to go as scheduled. Woo hoo!

On Friday, I had to get up exceptionally early because my lab appointment was scheduled for 8:20 a.m.so I could do my chemotherapy at 10:00 a.m. Every time I switch to different chemotherapy drugs, I need to sign a new consent form. I took advantage of the little break between the blood draw and chemotherapy treatment to roll to Dr. Doom and Gloom’s office and sign the new consent form. The chemotherapy itself went quickly, Benadryl, steroid, poison, go home.

My friend, Star, rides the bus home with me when I start a new chemotherapy treatment in case I feel the need to toss my cookies on the way home. So far, the steroids I get with my treatment keep my tummy settled for the weekend and we have not needed to use my bucket. On Friday I almost missed Star after my treatment. Thanks to the COVID-19 precautions, Star was not allowed to come to my treatment area as she usually does. Star was told to stay in the waiting area, and I do not go into the waiting area on my way out. 

Star had asked a nurse to tell me she was in the waiting area, but I was not told and rolled to the bus stop when my treatment finished. When I arrived at the bus stop, I dug my mobile phone out of my purse and called Star’s mobile number. Star told me she was in the waiting room and I told her to hurry to the bus stop because the bus would be there any minute and I intended to get on the bus with or without her (I am not a good friend).

Yesterday, my steroid high made me think I could start a completely new project and I excitedly started fleshing out the idea. Fortunately, I realized today there is not any chance I will do said project, so I only wasted a day planning how to make the project work. I did have an exceptionally good idea and I might gift my idea to someone who will do it justice. The idea does require someone who can focus and stay on task well to implement in a successful manner.

My piece of advice to you is to acknowledge your limitations. I only have so many hours in the day and my days are full. If I thought my new idea would be an immediate money maker, I might drop another task to make room for it. Since I think it would take at least a year to make this a profitable project, it is not right for me. Once I am networking regularly again, I will find the right person to make the idea a success.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Saturday, May 9, 2020
My significant other, Donald, and I had a great conversation this morning. Donald and I do not talk a lot even though we live in the same house. Donald is angry frequently and I prefer to give him a wide berth because I do not want to argue or be around his negativity. Donald is very judgmental, so he is not someone I want to use as an idea soundboard. All that said, Donald is a good person, and he does have good ideas. Donald has trouble expressing himself in a supportive manner, so I usually tell him after I have completed a project.

This morning Donald checked in on me and as he was leaving the room, I heard him say something about me being tuned out. I muted the television and asked Donald what he meant. Donald said he had read one of my journal entries in which I had written about how I can easily tune out people when I am not interested in the conversation. (Who knew Donald has been reading my journal?) I explained I am happy to have a conversation, but I do need to know he wants to talk.

I do not claim to be a great communicator; in fact, I am probably one of the worst people at communicating I know. I have however, been trying to notice and implement better communication skills since I was diagnosed with terminal cancer, so I am going to share some tips with you. First, get my attention. I did write about this particular topic in an earlier journal entry. Say my name so I know you are talking to me. Donald and I are frequently on different floors in our house and I am usually working or watching television when he is downstairs. I call Donald’s name and wait for a response before I start talking to him. If you tell me something without getting my attention first, I probably will not hear you and you will get mad because you think I am not listening.

Second, once you get my attention, let me know you want to talk. I am happy to shut off the television or take a break from working (usually) to have a meaningful conversation with someone I care about.  I do not know what is in your head any more than you know what is in my head. I do like meaningful conversations, but it is not likely I am going to initiate one. Our conversation could be as simple as this is what I am planning this week for errands, so we each know what the other is doing (not a thing with COVID-19).

Third, I am happy to be a sounding board when you need to vent because parts of your life are currently out of your control, but if you keep complaining about the same subject without taking steps to fix the situation, I will quit listening to those parts. COVID-19 is messing with everyone’s life right now and you might be stuck in a job you hate for a while simply to keep food on the table. You might dislike your children eLearning instead of going to school (I know I do). We cannot control the pandemic because other people need to make good choices too, but you can control how you act. It is not okay for me to mad at you and complain about an issue I never told you bothered me. Take action if you want true sympathy from me.

Finally, I do not have any deep, hidden feelings about you (good or bad); I am way to superficial for that. I did not pick up the phone to call you because I do not call anyone, not because I do not like you. Even when I do think of you, I am not going to reach out. I have better things to do with my time than think of you often unless you live in my house. I like you and do want to talk to you occasionally, but my life does revolve around me and I do not yearn for more connection.

My piece of advice to you is to find a best friend who shares your communication style. I see my best friend approximately once a month and that is enough for me. I rarely call her and email her less than once a week. You might need a best friend you talk to every day. I can tell you right now, I will not be your best friend. Feel free to call me once a month; I will genuinely enjoy our conversation even if I will never initiate it.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Friday, May 8, 2020
Today, I have cancer again. Okay, I have continued to have cancer while I was on my latest chemotherapy break, but thanks to COVID-19 becoming a focus-consuming issue, I could completely forget about cancer. Okay, not completely forget. There were so many topics jumping at me every day and I have been feeling pretty good, so I have done a good job of ignoring the fact that someday cancer is going to kill me for the past two months. Denial is still my favorite friend, Unfortunately, today I became a cancer patient again.

I needed to get out of bed early because Dr. Doom and Gloom’s office staff had decided I could have my pre-chemotherapy blood tests done before my treatment started so I could eliminate a trip out in public. My older daughter, Megan, is not currently working until 3:30 p.m. at her massage job, so she was on Mika-watching duty after I left. My seven-year-old, Mika, cannot come into the hospital with me at this time, and never for a chemotherapy treatment.

On Sunday, I told Megan I was already writing today’s journal entry in my head. I explained I would write about needing to go back to having cancer again. Megan replied that she sometimes thinks she cannot possibly be related to me and then I get dramatic. Apparently, we share a flair for the dramatic. Megan and I actually have at least two traits in common, we also both like to plan nearly every task we do.

Technically, I became a cancer patient again on Monday, but I was able to have a virtual pre-chemotherapy appointment with Candice the P.A. Since I did not leave my house, I do not think it counts. Monday, I learned COVID-19 has yet another silver lining. I was all ready to go back to the drudgery of weekly blood draws and was delighted to find out I would only need one blood draw within 48 hours of my chemotherapy. The best part, I could do the blood draw, wait an hour for results, and have my chemotherapy on the same day. I only need to deal with cancer two days a month, and one of those days I do not need to leave my house!

Monday was not a good day for virtual learning. My seven-year-old, Mika, did not finish her schoolwork for the day until 6:55 p.m. We had less than fifteen days left of schooling at home, and Mika still fights me somedays. Mika does not even do real schoolwork, but you would think, from the way she acts, that school is the worst possible experience in her life.

Our biggest school problem is keeping Mika on task. I had to switch Mika to doing a certain number of problems instead of working for a certain amount of time because she would only do six math problems in half an hour instead of thirty. Mika keeps taking advantage of the fact I cannot see her screen and am working on my computer for my business to switch to watching YouTube videos or playing video games when I am busy.

My piece of advice to you is to count down the days until summer break. I like having Mika home, but I will like it better when schoolwork is not part of the equation. Nine days left of school… Nine days left of school.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Thursday, May 7, 2020
I simply do not understand the not wearing a mask issue. A security guard was murdered because he told an adult woman she needed to wear a mask or leave the store, as mandated by state executive order. The grown woman’s mother and the security guard got into a verbal altercation and the woman left because she was not wearing a mask. After the woman left the store, her mother began yelling at the security guard who asked her to leave the store and instructed a cashier not to serve her.

Twenty minutes later, two men related to the women, entered the store. One of them yelled at the security guard about disrespecting his wife. The other man then allegedly shot the security guard. I do not care what words the security guard said to this woman’s mother, it does not justify taking a life. The security guard must have said horrible, deep-scarring, life-altering words to the mother, right? Somebody does not just go murder someone because their family member was kicked out of a store for being disruptive, do they? Is humanity really so damaged retaliation trumps forgiveness?

My significant other, Donald, and I disagree on the mask issue. I do not want to wear a mask any more than anyone else, but I will happily wear one for the greater good. Yes, it is a little harder for me to breathe wearing a mask, and I expect the need to wear a mask in public to last for another year. If wearing a mask prevents me from spreading any illness to another person, I think it is worth a little personal discomfort. Saturday, I asked Donald if he wore a mask into the grocery store and he said he is not going to wear a mask in public after wearing one all day at work. I understand how Donald feels, but I cannot understand his apparent lack of concern for other people. I guess we are simply different in that way.

As I was working at my computer Saturday. I was checking all sorts of boxes off my mental checklist. My seven-year-old, Mika, was spending the day at her older sister’s house, so I was able to work interruption free. Approximately 2:00 p.m., I kept hearing the microwave upstairs making noise. All at once, I wanted nachos. A couple of minutes later, Donald came downstairs with a plate of nachos for me.

My subconscious brain must have memorized the microwave beep sequence for when Donald makes nachos. Either that, or Donald and I were psychically linked for a few minutes, When Donald went back upstairs, I heard soft music oddly playing from upstairs, the kind you might hear in a dentist’s office. It was odd because both Donald and I prefer rock music, but the sounds were rather soothing, and I enjoyed it for the few minutes I could hear it.

On Sunday, I spoke with my youngest sister, Karen-Mae. Karen-Mae and I talked about masks, and she told me her husband had some construction N95 masks with vents they were using. I laughed because Donald and I had talked about the vented masks when we were discussing masks on Saturday. Donald said, and experts seem to concur, the vented masks only provide protection for the wearer. The vents allow the droplets we are trying to contain out into the air to contact others. I had not even considered this issue until Donald told me, neither had my sister.

After our conversation, Karen-Mae must have decided to catch up on reading my journal entries on my website blog because she sent me an email asking which sister. I had a recent post in which I wrote about recurring childhood nightmares I had that one of my sisters, always the same sister, died. I declined to answer. I may answer Karen-Mae’s question on my death bed, maybe not.

My piece of advice to you is to think of others. If wearing a face mask in public is the price I need to pay to visit my local bookstore or takeout restaurant, I am happy to pay it.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Wednesday, May 6, 2020
Okay, I truly am going to finally finish writing about my great Friday today. My day started not so great, jumped into greatness, slid into annoyance, bounced back to appreciation for the day, and ended with an entertaining conversation with my older daughter, Megan, while she was doing my evening care.

Our conversation started innocently enough. Megan is going back to work at the chiropractor’s office part-time starting Monday. Megan will still get paid her full wages because the chiropractor qualified for, and received, a loan through the Paycheck Protection Program and she was able to work more hours with him since January when her movie theater schedule changed. Megan will be available for 15 massages a week, down from her high of 25. Personally, I am hoping nobody wants a massage for a few more weeks.

Megan trimmed my fingernails Friday morning after my shower, except my right thumb nail. Because I do not have any fine motor skills, my fingernails grow like crazy. Occasionally I will catch a fingernail on one of my doors or gate straps and break it, but for the most part, my fingernails simply grow. Megan does not like to trim my thumbnails. My thumbs have been hypersensitive since I was paralyzed, and I jerk my hand away and gasp when anyone tries to trim a thumbnail. It never hurts because I do not let anyone cut more than halfway toward my thumb, but I “think” it will hurt and react. It is like the fear of getting a shot.

Friday night, I jammed my almost three-quarter inch long nail into the side of my wheelchair, and it hurt. I told Megan if she had cut it that morning, it would not hurt now. Megan told me if I would quit giving her a heart attach because she thinks she is hurting me each time I gasp and jerk my hand away; she could cut my thumbnail. I told Megan she knows I am going to freak out, so she should put on her big girl panties and simply deal with it. Megan looked at me and said, “So you are blaming me for your issues?’

I replied, “I am not blaming you for my psychoticness (yes, I know psychoticness is not a word, but it is what I said); I am blaming you for not properly reacting to my psyhcoticness.” My significant other, Donald, usually cuts my thumbnails. Donald holds my hand tight enough I am unable to jerk it loose and he does not care if he hurts me. He thinks it is my own fault for being a sissy. But my entertaining conversation with Megan does not stop there.

I am not even sure how our conversation strayed into this subject, but at some point, I said to Megan, “I like you better since you moved out.” We might have been discussing her relationship with her dad. Donald is critical of nearly every task Megan does. If Megan does a task one way, it is wrong, if she does the task the way he suggested, it is wrong. I was hoping their relationship would improve after Megan moved out, but since she is still here every day, Donald still complains about her every day.

The reason I like Megan better since she moved out, is because I rarely see her mess. I still get annoyed if Megan knocks an item on the floor and does not pick it up immediately, but I can see an improvement in her overall effort to put items where they belong in my house. When Megan gets here in the evening, she makes sure any dishes she finds downstairs are taken to the kitchen; that almost never happened while she lived here. Megan now returns my empty hangers to the laundry room almost every day; it used to be once a week. I see Megan’s growth since she started learning nobody else is going to do it at her house even if her dad refuses to acknowledge her improvement.

My piece of advice to you is to state the harsh truth. I also told Megan I like her more since she moved out because absence makes the heart grow fonder. When Megan is gone in the middle of the day, I have time to miss her because she is not here to share part of my day with me.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Tuesday, May 5, 2020
Welcome to day five of my great Friday. Perhaps we will finally finish Friday today, but I would not hold your breath. I keep getting distracted and run out of room on my journal page. I could, of course, write more than one page on any given day, and I have in the past, but what fun would that be? My writing brain was reinvigorated on Friday and now I look at it almost as a challenge. How many days can I write about one single day? We have a fifty-fifty shot it will be only five and not stretch out to six.

I was feeling pretty awesome as I rolled home from the shopping center. The weather was fantastic, and I was excited to get home and order my shredder through the OfficeMax website. When I arrived home, my girls were still at my house, and their dad had already come home from work. I rolled in front of my computer and my day fell apart again. Donald gave me my mail and it included my escrow statement. My escrow shortage is usually 50 dollars or less. This year, thanks to our exploding housing market, my escrow shortage is 160 dollars.

Okay, 160 dollars is not really that big of deal. Until Friday, I have spent probably less than 100 dollars total during the past eight weeks (maybe even after Friday). Both my personal credit cards had zero charges on them this past month. The point is 160 is a whole lot more than 50 in one year. I could choose to roll the 160 dollars into my monthly payment, which is what I have done for most of the past several years or I could pay it in full. I mailed the check yesterday.

I could not justify taking away 13 dollars of extra principal from my mortgage payment each month since I would like my mortgage balance to be as low as possible when I pass. I have already paid $240.77 in extra principal since I started my GoFundMe campaign. I have been given 120 dollars directly and the rest through the GoFundMe campaign. I am not sure when I will start actually asking people to donate to my GoFundMe campaign. There are too many people wondering where their next meal is going to come from. Hungry people need money so much more than my family needs a mortgage-free home. Yes, it would be a great gift to give, but my family can pay a mortgage and still afford food on the table.

After I was slapped in the face with my unexpected 160-dollar escrow bill, I found out my seven-year-old, Mika’s, piano teacher, who had cancelled lessons until May, is now cancelling lessons until August. I get it, the teacher would be in fairly close contact for a half-hour lesson, but I am disappointed because Mika really likes playing piano. I really do want everyone to be safe and healthy and I simply wish Mika would do her schoolwork as readily as she hops up to practice her piano.

My biggest disappointment of the day was OfficeMax. I left my local OfficeMax store earlier on Friday loving OfficeMax. Now I think OfficeMax policy makers are jerks and I plan to only shop in their physical stores going forward. I typed in the product number the wonderful clerk at the store had given me to purchase the shredder that was $15 off and discovered it was only $11 off on the website. I chose the live chat option and asked the representative if they would price match the store.

I was told, “I am sorry, we do not price match with the store, online price and store’s price are different most of the time. If you need the price which is at the store, you need to purchase at the store directly.” So… OfficeMax will give you “free” store pickup when you order a product from their website, but you pay more than if you buy the same product directly from their store.

My piece of advice to you is to not let the bad parts ruin the good parts. Yes, I am annoyed with OfficeMax online, but I still love my local OfficeMax employees and will shop there again.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Monday, May 4, 2020
I have managed to stretch out my great Friday to four days of journal entries. I would not have believed it possible if I had not just done it. Honestly, Friday evening might spill into tomorrow because I may rant a little today about a Friday afternoon issue that threatened to ruin my great day. I am getting ahead of myself, so I will step back. I usually get up and open a nearly blank journal entry page for the day. My fresh pages include the date and the words “My piece of advice to you is to”

My journal pages since Friday, have not been fresh. When I stopped writing Friday evening, I opened Saturday’s file and wrote several short notes about Friday I wanted to expand more. This morning, I still have four thoughts from that original note staring at me on this page. Those notes have been joined by a sentence about Friday night, two thoughts from Saturday and a few thoughts from yesterday. As I finish writing about a thought, I erase that part of my note and move to the next thought.

Now that I have more than ten thoughts on my page, I cannot possibly fit them into one journal post. When my lowest notes start dropping to the bottom of the page, I open the next day’s file and use my favorite feature in Word, cut, copy, and paste. This procedure is why, at this point, I am certain my Friday evening thought will be pushed to tomorrow. I will be moving my Sunday thoughts after I write this sentence.

Back to my great Friday. When I was in Target, I rolled past the school/office supply section to see if they had a shredder so I could keep my outing to one store. Target only had one high-end model in stock, and I do not need all the bells and whistles. The Target clerk did help me with my credit card since the credit card reader privacy shields make the keypad inaccessible for me, so I was still happy. I rolled on to OfficeMax.

OfficeMax had signs posted on their doors and windows stating there was a limit of 10 customers allowed in their store at once. My local OfficeMax is large, so I was surprised the number was so low. The people I saw in OfficeMax were wearing masks, but I did not notice a sign requiring them. With a mostly empty store to shop in, I felt OfficeMax cared about my health. I rolled around the store, looking for the shredders, and had almost given up looking to search for a clerk when I spied the shredders!

I rolled over to the shredders to look for a low-cost personal shredder. I was in luck, there was an acceptable shredder on sale for 15 dollars off! My day was getting better.by the minute. Unfortunately, I did not see any boxes under the display model. Fortunately, I could hear a clerk talking to a customer a few aisles away, so I rolled to the aisle and waited several feet away for my turn. The clerk came with me to check for more shredders in stock.

We struck out. My local store did not have any in stock. The clerk told me another store in town had three in stock.  I told the clerk I did not drive and asked if I could purchase the shredder on the website. The clerk told me yes and told me to take a picture of the card to make it easy to find on their website. I explained I do not use a smart phone because I do not have any fine motor skills, so the clerk wrote down the information. I was thrilled with the great customer service even though I was disappointed I would need to order the shredder online and could not buy it in the store to support my local employees.

My piece of advice to you is to be willing to rethink your instincts. On my way out of OfficeMax, I saw a 10-cent basket full of valentine cards and photo prop masks. I was not going to look and rolled out of the store. Ten feet later, I turned around and went back in. I thought the valentine messages were too grown up for my seven-year-old, Mika, to use next year, but I did spend 22 cents for two packs of photo prop masks for Mika and her friends to play with. I left with a deal and a smile.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Sunday, May 3, 2020
I am on day three writing about how Friday was a great day to have a great day. I need to backtrack a little bit because when I wrote about seeing one of my favorite bus drivers and a bus acquaintance on my way to my appointment, I forgot I also rode the bus going to the hospital with Ron. My day was so full my brain was overflowing; that fact spilled out. Ron is one of Mountain Metro Transit’s senior ambassadors, and I served with him for a few years on the Transit Passenger Advisory Committee. Ron takes his position seriously and rides the bus probably every day so he can tell other seniors how to get just about anywhere in the city. Ron was featured in a transit commercial and it was nice to catch up for a few minutes.

After my echocardiogram, I rolled out of the hospital to the bus stop. There were a couple of hospital employees sitting on the bench smoking since smoking is not allowed on hospital property. I have seen the hospital smokers congregate on this particular bench many times since I started my cancer journey. It was a beautiful day, so the fact that the employees did not leave once someone who was there to actually catch a bus arrived did not bother me at all. If there had been a breeze blowing their smoke in my face, I would have asked them to move. The air was still, and I do not use the bus bench, so I did not speak other than to say, hello. As I have mentioned before, it is not my job to police what is right or wrong.

I lucked out and the next bus that came by was the one that connects to the bus that drops me by my house. I had already decided since the weather was exceptional and my older daughter, Megan, was watching my younger daughter, Mika, I would stop at Target and OfficeMax for some purchases I had been putting off. I was ready to step back into the real world after seven weeks of staying in my neighborhood other than two wound care appointments.

As the bus neared my stop, I noticed the bank on the corner had four drive-through lanes backed up about eight cars each. I commented on the back up to the driver, and then I remembered it was Friday afternoon and the first of the month. Fortunately, I did not need to go to the bank. There were several cars in the front parking lot, so I thought the bank had decided to reopen the lobby. I was wrong. When I finished my shopping, I noticed a large sign on the bank door. When I rolled closer to the sign, I saw it was a notice stating the lobby was closed. I wonder if my other bank lobby is closed too.

Let us skip back to shopping. I had three items to purchase today: underwear, a medical item, and a shredder. I have mentioned before that I do not like my Target since it was rearranged a couple of years ago and shop there less often. I could make my purchases online; however, I choose to not do so for two reasons. One, my health is not any more precious than the delivery driver’s health. Two, I want my local store to keep employing local people. I knew where both items I planned to purchase were located so I would not be frustrated looking for items. I also decided to check Target’s stock of personal shredders.

As I rolled into Target, I saw a sign noting items they do not have in stock. There were four products check marked as out of stock, and another six or eight products marked with purchase limits. I, of course, was wearing my mask, but as I had seen noted on Facebook posts, most of the other shoppers were not wearing masks. I was in and out very quickly, and do not plan to go back anytime soon. Obviously, Target does not care about my health or the health of their employees. I will spend my money somewhere else.

My piece of advice to you is to embrace the experience. I may not be planning to shop at Target any time soon, but I am glad I went today. I did purchase new underwear and my medical item even though Target did not require customers to wear masks because I appreciated the experience of seeing it firsthand. I did not purchase a shredder, but that story will need to wait.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Saturday, May 2, 2020
Yesterday was a great day to have a great day. Today I am going to finish writing about my great day. As I was rolling in the hospital with my acquaintance, I discovered the entrance I generally use to go into the hospital was closed to the public. I made a mental note to use the main doors next week and went to one of the two open entrances. The hospital still has a posted no visitors policy and seemed to be enforcing it.

I stopped first at a table where a young woman asked me why I was there. Once I told the young woman I had an appointment, she asked me the standard questions. Have I been out of the country in the past month? No, international travel has been shut down. (For the record, the hospital has asked the travel question for each of my appointments for several years, not just since the COVID-19 outbreak.) Do you have a fever, coughing, or shortness of breath? No. I was sent to wait at least six feet behind a gentleman who was checking in. After I checked in, I waited for a registrar to give me a bracelet and send me on my way.

When the registrar was taking me to the waiting room for my echocardiogram, we passed a wall with three large windows in it. The view was simply looking over the top of a shorter building, but it was nice to see the sunshine along the way. When I got to the waiting room, the same gentleman who was checking in before me was already in the waiting room, and I had heard one of the two people in line behind me say she was here for a cardiology appointment. I told the gentleman they must be scheduling us all at the same time.

I was surprised when the gentleman told me he was there for heart surgery. I am sure he was a few years younger than me. He was slightly overweight, and I have heard that carrying extra weight around your belly is bad for your heart, but he looked healthy. His surgery was scheduled for 3:00 p.m., and he said he was so hungry. I commiserated with him because I have been in his place many times. Honestly, I have always been more upset with the no water for eight hours prior to surgery rule than the no food for eight hours rule. When I wake up from surgery, I ask for water immediately. I usually need to wait an hour before they are willing to give me food. Once you are told you cannot eat, you get very hungry.

Less than one minute after the gentleman was taken away for surgery preparations, my ultrasound technician arrived to whisk me away and scan my heart. My ultrasound technician did have me lay back in my wheelchair to see if she could get a clear scan without transferring me into their bed, but she could not get a good image of the lower left section of my heart. After I was transferred into the bed, we got started

This was my first echocardiogram and it was a little fun. We stripped off half my shirt and bra to get better images. I was propped on my left side, but today I am wondering why I was not turned to the right. The ultrasound technician had difficulties getting good images from the lower left side. I think they would get better images if they were not fighting with the bed and my left side was up in the air. Obviously, I am wrong, because everybody does it with people lying on their left side, but now I want to know more.

I had so much fun watching the colors change on the monitor while the ultrasound technician was administering my echocardiogram. When I asked her why there was usually considerably more red or blue in an area she was recording, the technician told me the primary color depends on whether the valve is allowing blood in or out. The coolest part was when the background turned gold and it looked like my heart was on fire. I have had a line from the song Girl Is on Fire in my head since yesterday… My heart is on fire.

My piece of advice to you is to enjoy the tests. Ha! I think I just figured out why I had to lay on my left side. Most people are right-handed and if I laid on my right side, the ultrasound technicians would need to use their left hand to move the wand. I am probably still wrong, but that is my story, and I am sticking to it!

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Friday, May 1, 2020
Today was exactly the type of day I love. My day did not start out great in any way, shape, or form. However, I live by my mantra, “Today is a great day to have a great day.” Guess what? Today is today. I was planning to shower last night, but my older daughter, Megan, who puts me in bed most nights, had a sore shoulder and asked if she could help me this morning instead, so she did not need to transfer me more than once. I reluctantly agreed. I prefer to shower in the evening.

Megan and I had to deal with a recurring, unresolved medical issue as soon as she came in this morning. My seven-year-old, Mika, had asked if she could take a shower with me when Megan and I were talking about rescheduling it last night. Mika does not shower with me very often, but when she does, it is pretty funny. Megan shampoos my hair and then Mika’s hair. Next, Mika and I both get conditioner and a comb out. My comb out does not take as much time as Mika’s anymore now that I have short hair. Megan finishes up by scrubbing our bodies and Mika and I are clean and beautiful at the same time.

I got out of bed after my shower still shivering, which is why I do not like to shower in the morning. I decided I could work on Mika’s video series that I usually edit on Fridays for her YouTube channel tomorrow since I did not get out of my bed for the day until 10:00 a.m. Today is the first and I needed to track my client numbers for the month. I did not have much work time today because I needed to catch an 11:37 a.m. bus to get my echocardiogram done at the hospital and I knew I would not be in the mood to work when I returned. I was right, I am writing instead.

I was still cold when I left the house, but I started warming up as soon as I started rolling toward the bus stop. The wind was blowing my freshly washed hair around, and for a moment, I could forget that a year ago I was sick and bald. Today, I feel fabulous, and my hair is so soft. Everyone should touch my hair to experience my joy, but then I would likely end up sick, and I am still avoiding the hospital (except today).

When the bus slowed at my stop, I was delighted to see one of my favorite drivers behind the wheel. I, of course, was wearing my facemask, and the driver said she almost did not recognize me with hair. It was warm enough I left my hat at home. (I still carried my coat to wear on the air-conditioned bus.) The bus drivers now have a clear shower curtain to separate them from the riders a little more. Interesting.

When I arrived at the hospital, I saw a woman I used to see on the bus often finishing her lunch break. We chatted a couple of minutes to catch up and walked to the entrance together. My acquaintance told me she had been working a fair amount of overtime and the hospital had been remarkably busy a few weeks ago, but the hospital had not been busy recently. I told her that was probably why I saw a doctor last week and this week on the news telling people to come into the hospital for true emergencies. The doctors said the area hospitals are safe from COVID-19 transmission, there are beds available, and some people are having more permanent complications from not getting heart or stroke symptoms checked out early.

Wow! I have written almost an entire page about my great day and I have only made it to 12:30 p.m. It is a few minutes after 6:00 p.m. now and my day got even better as it went along. And then my day got worse again. That is a story for tomorrow because my fat typing knuckle keeps leaving red underlines behind as it goes, and I am tired or erasing extra letters.

My piece of advice to you is to enjoy every great day or minute that comes your way. I have rubbed my hair at least 50 times today to relish in its softness, occasionally I use both wrists to get twice as much pleasure. Grab greatness with both hands when it comes your way and revisit it often.

Until next time,
Susanne

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