Susanne Whited
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What Does Memorial Day Celebrate

7/15/2021

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Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Yesterday was Memorial Day and my eight-year-old, Mika, asked me what Memorial Day celebrates. I explained Memorial Day was technically not a “celebration” even though that is the way the holiday is represented in current times. Memorial Day is a day of remembrance and reflection on those who gave their lives in service to the citizens of the United States of America. I explained our military members have fought and died to protect those of us left behind at home. Every one of those men and women most likely believe they were fighting to protect us, and it is our job to remember them. (Personally, I find the commercialization and idea of a Memorial Day sale on a day of remembrance offensive, although perhaps military personnel do not feel the same way and I should keep my opinions to myself.)

Mika’s next question was much more interesting to answer. I am going to tell you now, you may not like what I say next. Feel free to leave now so you still love me tomorrow. Mika then asked why we have wars. I kept my answer simple, but I did not sugarcoat it even a little bit. I told Mika most wars throughout history were caused because of religion, lust for power, and hate. I also told Mika all three issues are usually intertwined in every conflict. I could write a book about how I believe religion has been perverted throughout history by those with a lust for power and a lot of hate. (I may write a book on the issue, if I live long enough (probably not even if I do live long enough), however if I do, I am pretty sure nobody will still love me tomorrow.)

I received a call from Dr. Doom and Gloom’s medical assistant today. My protein levels were low when they reviewed my last blood test results and she suggested I drink Boost or Ensure. The good points about Boost and Ensure are because of my low protein levels, I could get insurance to pay for the drinks, and the drinks do have more protein than milk alone. The bad points about Boost and Ensure are the drinks are nasty and I cannot force myself to swallow them. I told the medical assistant I would eat some more meat. I do not understand why the protein powders are either chocolate or extremely sweet. I do not like chocolate and the amount of sugar the manufacturers put in protein supplements to get many people to drink them is simply too much sugar for me. (I do not think anyone would describe me as “sweet” artificial, or otherwise.)

My poor significant other, Donald, keeps trying to feed me like I could eat before I was paralyzed in my automobile accident more than 20 years ago. I know Donald means well; he loves me and wants me to be healthy. The problem I have with food (other than the fact cancer has ruined my enjoyment of food) that Donald does not seem to understand is I simply cannot eat if I am not hungry. The amount of food I consumed dropped immediately after my automobile accident. Once I was no longer doing the intense daily physical activity, my body no longer needed calories. It is quite common for people who become paralyzed to gain a lot of weight shortly after their accident. I never gained weight because my brain told my belly since I was not participating in a lot of physical activity, I did not need to eat the same amount of food.

I ask Donald to place my meals on small plates so perhaps he will think he is giving me a decent amount of food, in his opinion. Unfortunately, he frequently simply tries to overfill the plate, and then, not only do I not eat all the food he gives me, but I also generally have the tendency to make a big mess. You would think after more than 20 years, Donald would quit trying to give me so much food. I know it bothers him when I do not eat all the food he gives to me. I am fairly sure Donald thinks I do not eat all the food because I do not like what he makes and that is simply not the truth. I do not eat that much food because I quit eating once I am not hungry, and it takes very little food to get me to the no longer hungry state.

My piece of advice to you is to try harder to eat what other people make for you. Donald has been providing meals for me for more than 20 years and I appreciate it even if he does not think so.

Until next time,

Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

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Be Sure to Check the Backyard

7/13/2021

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Monday, May 25, 2020
“Are you sure Aunt Karen-Mae is not my mother?” my older daughter, Megan, said to me. “You ARE more like her than me.” I replied. “Aunt Karen-May is the mother I deserve.” Those words were part of a conversation Megan and I had last night. You might think such a conversation would hurt my feelings. You would be wrong. I have attempted to teach my children to be as truthful as possible, and honestly, my younger sister's personality matches up with Megan's much more than mine does. Megan is the nicest of my three children as far as what she says when she is criticizing me. Unfortunately for Megan, all three of my children look like clones of me so there is not any doubt each of them is my child.

My son, Marcus, is probably the bluntest when teasing me about how he does not need me anymore. Marcus told me in first grade he was too big for hugs and kisses and that was probably the end of any physical affection from my son. Nearly every time I call him the first words out of his mouth are, “Aren't you dead yet?” Marcus has frequently volunteered to purchase a pillow to cover my face and smother me. The problem is he does not want to wait until I am in a lot of pain or have a horrible quality of life. No, Marcus would be happy to have it happen now. Okay, I know Marcus does not really want me dead because if he did, it would not take much to take care of the situation. The death threats are Marcus’s way of showing his love (Marcus also actually tells me he loves me approximately once a year.) for me and I am never offended when he asks me those questions.

I remember when I was in early high school, I stared to call my dad “pops” and my oldest sister thought it was wrong for me to call my dad pops. My sister considered pops a disrespect name and she mentioned it to my father one day. My father told her he knew I was not being disrespectful when I said it to him, and I considered it to be a nickname for him. On the rare occasions, I call my parents because the phones do actually work both ways, I still call my dad pops. Pops is my name for him. My younger sister used to sit on his lap all the time, that was her bonding quirk. Of course, my youngest sister is the only one of seven children who would choose sitting on a lap because the rest of us are like Marcus.

My eight-year-old, Mika, is probably the most hurtful with her statements, simply because she does not know how to filter herself yet. Fortunately, I have an incredibly strong shield against words, so her comments rarely slide in with the ability to hurt my feelings. I treat Mika’s comments as a learning process in which I hope by the time she is an adult she will have filtered enough not to be a mean girl. I was concerned for a couple of years Megan might become a mean girl, however Megan always seemed to genuinely care for people. (Many times, in my opinion, to her detriment.) Mika worries me more with the idea she might become a mean girl because sometimes I feel she does not care if she hurts someone else's feelings especially if the person has hurt Mika's feelings (whether it be unintentional or on purpose). Part of Mika’s disregard for other’s feelings may come from the fact she rarely hurts my feelings and I think she is the meanest to me.

My significant other, Donald, is rather good natured when he threatens to kill me. Donald’s usually just threatens to feed me to our big dog, so he does not leave a trace. Part of Donald’s more methodical approach is probably because I think he truly does not want me to die anytime soon and probably because he is old enough to realize if I ever disappeared, he would be suspect number one.

I know my family members each love me in their own way, Even if Marcus keeps letting me know I just need to say the words and he will go pick out the perfect pillow to put over my face, or Donald and Marcus ganging up on me to threaten to bury me in the backyard. At least Mika quit sitting on my face trying to smother me and has not actively threatened to kill me lately. Megan also does not actively threaten to kill me; however, I do think in the past year or two she has offered to hide my body with the rest of the family.

My piece of advice to you is to let your family be who they are especially when they need to grieve. My family has good naturedly threatened to kill me for more years than I have had my terminal cancer diagnosis, I have threatened them too. I hear those tiny threats more often now. If adding a little bit of humor enables them to deal with my passing even a little more, I am okay with it. I know my family loves me, however if I do ever completely disappear, be sure to check the backyard.

Until next time,

Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

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    The Exceptional Exit Plan

    The ramblings of a woman coming to terms with her mortality.

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