Monday, May 25, 2020
“Are you sure Aunt Karen-Mae is not my mother?” my older daughter, Megan, said to me. “You ARE more like her than me.” I replied. “Aunt Karen-May is the mother I deserve.” Those words were part of a conversation Megan and I had last night. You might think such a conversation would hurt my feelings. You would be wrong. I have attempted to teach my children to be as truthful as possible, and honestly, my younger sister's personality matches up with Megan's much more than mine does. Megan is the nicest of my three children as far as what she says when she is criticizing me. Unfortunately for Megan, all three of my children look like clones of me so there is not any doubt each of them is my child.
My son, Marcus, is probably the bluntest when teasing me about how he does not need me anymore. Marcus told me in first grade he was too big for hugs and kisses and that was probably the end of any physical affection from my son. Nearly every time I call him the first words out of his mouth are, “Aren't you dead yet?” Marcus has frequently volunteered to purchase a pillow to cover my face and smother me. The problem is he does not want to wait until I am in a lot of pain or have a horrible quality of life. No, Marcus would be happy to have it happen now. Okay, I know Marcus does not really want me dead because if he did, it would not take much to take care of the situation. The death threats are Marcus’s way of showing his love (Marcus also actually tells me he loves me approximately once a year.) for me and I am never offended when he asks me those questions.
I remember when I was in early high school, I stared to call my dad “pops” and my oldest sister thought it was wrong for me to call my dad pops. My sister considered pops a disrespect name and she mentioned it to my father one day. My father told her he knew I was not being disrespectful when I said it to him, and I considered it to be a nickname for him. On the rare occasions, I call my parents because the phones do actually work both ways, I still call my dad pops. Pops is my name for him. My younger sister used to sit on his lap all the time, that was her bonding quirk. Of course, my youngest sister is the only one of seven children who would choose sitting on a lap because the rest of us are like Marcus.
My eight-year-old, Mika, is probably the most hurtful with her statements, simply because she does not know how to filter herself yet. Fortunately, I have an incredibly strong shield against words, so her comments rarely slide in with the ability to hurt my feelings. I treat Mika’s comments as a learning process in which I hope by the time she is an adult she will have filtered enough not to be a mean girl. I was concerned for a couple of years Megan might become a mean girl, however Megan always seemed to genuinely care for people. (Many times, in my opinion, to her detriment.) Mika worries me more with the idea she might become a mean girl because sometimes I feel she does not care if she hurts someone else's feelings especially if the person has hurt Mika's feelings (whether it be unintentional or on purpose). Part of Mika’s disregard for other’s feelings may come from the fact she rarely hurts my feelings and I think she is the meanest to me.
My significant other, Donald, is rather good natured when he threatens to kill me. Donald’s usually just threatens to feed me to our big dog, so he does not leave a trace. Part of Donald’s more methodical approach is probably because I think he truly does not want me to die anytime soon and probably because he is old enough to realize if I ever disappeared, he would be suspect number one.
I know my family members each love me in their own way, Even if Marcus keeps letting me know I just need to say the words and he will go pick out the perfect pillow to put over my face, or Donald and Marcus ganging up on me to threaten to bury me in the backyard. At least Mika quit sitting on my face trying to smother me and has not actively threatened to kill me lately. Megan also does not actively threaten to kill me; however, I do think in the past year or two she has offered to hide my body with the rest of the family.
My piece of advice to you is to let your family be who they are especially when they need to grieve. My family has good naturedly threatened to kill me for more years than I have had my terminal cancer diagnosis, I have threatened them too. I hear those tiny threats more often now. If adding a little bit of humor enables them to deal with my passing even a little more, I am okay with it. I know my family loves me, however if I do ever completely disappear, be sure to check the backyard.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
“Are you sure Aunt Karen-Mae is not my mother?” my older daughter, Megan, said to me. “You ARE more like her than me.” I replied. “Aunt Karen-May is the mother I deserve.” Those words were part of a conversation Megan and I had last night. You might think such a conversation would hurt my feelings. You would be wrong. I have attempted to teach my children to be as truthful as possible, and honestly, my younger sister's personality matches up with Megan's much more than mine does. Megan is the nicest of my three children as far as what she says when she is criticizing me. Unfortunately for Megan, all three of my children look like clones of me so there is not any doubt each of them is my child.
My son, Marcus, is probably the bluntest when teasing me about how he does not need me anymore. Marcus told me in first grade he was too big for hugs and kisses and that was probably the end of any physical affection from my son. Nearly every time I call him the first words out of his mouth are, “Aren't you dead yet?” Marcus has frequently volunteered to purchase a pillow to cover my face and smother me. The problem is he does not want to wait until I am in a lot of pain or have a horrible quality of life. No, Marcus would be happy to have it happen now. Okay, I know Marcus does not really want me dead because if he did, it would not take much to take care of the situation. The death threats are Marcus’s way of showing his love (Marcus also actually tells me he loves me approximately once a year.) for me and I am never offended when he asks me those questions.
I remember when I was in early high school, I stared to call my dad “pops” and my oldest sister thought it was wrong for me to call my dad pops. My sister considered pops a disrespect name and she mentioned it to my father one day. My father told her he knew I was not being disrespectful when I said it to him, and I considered it to be a nickname for him. On the rare occasions, I call my parents because the phones do actually work both ways, I still call my dad pops. Pops is my name for him. My younger sister used to sit on his lap all the time, that was her bonding quirk. Of course, my youngest sister is the only one of seven children who would choose sitting on a lap because the rest of us are like Marcus.
My eight-year-old, Mika, is probably the most hurtful with her statements, simply because she does not know how to filter herself yet. Fortunately, I have an incredibly strong shield against words, so her comments rarely slide in with the ability to hurt my feelings. I treat Mika’s comments as a learning process in which I hope by the time she is an adult she will have filtered enough not to be a mean girl. I was concerned for a couple of years Megan might become a mean girl, however Megan always seemed to genuinely care for people. (Many times, in my opinion, to her detriment.) Mika worries me more with the idea she might become a mean girl because sometimes I feel she does not care if she hurts someone else's feelings especially if the person has hurt Mika's feelings (whether it be unintentional or on purpose). Part of Mika’s disregard for other’s feelings may come from the fact she rarely hurts my feelings and I think she is the meanest to me.
My significant other, Donald, is rather good natured when he threatens to kill me. Donald’s usually just threatens to feed me to our big dog, so he does not leave a trace. Part of Donald’s more methodical approach is probably because I think he truly does not want me to die anytime soon and probably because he is old enough to realize if I ever disappeared, he would be suspect number one.
I know my family members each love me in their own way, Even if Marcus keeps letting me know I just need to say the words and he will go pick out the perfect pillow to put over my face, or Donald and Marcus ganging up on me to threaten to bury me in the backyard. At least Mika quit sitting on my face trying to smother me and has not actively threatened to kill me lately. Megan also does not actively threaten to kill me; however, I do think in the past year or two she has offered to hide my body with the rest of the family.
My piece of advice to you is to let your family be who they are especially when they need to grieve. My family has good naturedly threatened to kill me for more years than I have had my terminal cancer diagnosis, I have threatened them too. I hear those tiny threats more often now. If adding a little bit of humor enables them to deal with my passing even a little more, I am okay with it. I know my family loves me, however if I do ever completely disappear, be sure to check the backyard.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
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