Sunday, February 9, 2020
Today I have been rocking it. I have gotten a ton of client work done this weekend. I took advantage of my Super Quad weekend energy and knocked out some pretty creative tasks. I am creating skeleton schedules for my repetitive client work into August in case I get to take a family trip to Florida. I have the social media posts for one of my clients already scheduled into July; I will only need to add events as they come up. It feels good to look at a task I am way ahead on and realize the ball will not be dropped if I have a medical setback. It would be awesome if I could schedule everyone ahead a year, but that is simply not possible.
The ability to do some creative work today made me think about how the two types of chemotherapy treatments have affected me. The slash and burn chemotherapy treatment I did for eight cycles from December 2018 until July 2019 made all my hair fall out, gave me eight Super Quad weekends, did not make me nauseous, gave me many, many complete exhaustion days, stripped my creative juices, and I was able to keep healing wounds.
Chemotherapy lite, which I started November 2019, has affected me differently. I still have all my short hair. I have had ten Super Quad weekends so far with plans for 14 more through June 2020. Chemotherapy lite also does not make me nauseous. I have not had any complete exhaustion days. I am still quite creative, although I still have trouble recalling words while speaking. I am not healing any wounds on chemotherapy lite; my wounds are getting bigger and multiplying.
Honestly, I think I would rather be on the slash and burn chemotherapy than chemotherapy lite. I do not mind being bald, and creativity can be overrated. I had far fewer utter exhaustion days for my last two slash and burn treatments than the first six as my overall health started improving. I did forget when I was listing slash and burn’s side effects to mention the dirt mouth I would get the Monday after treatment that made every item that went into my mouth taste bad for about three days. I do not really want dirt mouth back again. Maybe chemotherapy lite is not so bad.
Yesterday I was able to catch up my few-day backlog of journal entries. Some days I am simply unable or not motivated to write. On those days I write my idea for the day on the journal page and come back to it when my brain is ready. This past week I was out in the cold for doctor appointments for three days in a row and it is hard to type when I am unable to move my arms because I am too cold and still shivering. I wrote four journal days yesterday and gained three pounds this month, so I am feeling right back on track.
I LOVE productive days! The natural high I get when excited about a day well spent has not been matched by any of the drugs my cancer keeps trying to get me addicted to. The emotion I just felt as I wrote that sentence made me think about how I can write a journal entry a few days late and still relive the emotion I felt that day as I write. I wrote about how sad I felt on Thursday, yesterday. The idea sentences I write trigger that day’s emotion for me which expands as I write the words on the page.
My piece of advice to you is to give yourself some slack. Do I want to write every journal day in its entirety on its calendar day? Of course, I do. But holding myself to that standard would only result in failure and I would have probably quit writing when I got sick in November. I have thoughts complete strangers, friends, and my children may find comfort in after I pass that still need to be documented, and by giving myself the time I actually need to keep this project going instead of insisting I achieve an unattainable “perfect” schedule, I have guaranteed success. By next weekend I may be four journal days behind again and have fallen behind on client work, for now, I have gotten my mojo back.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
Today I have been rocking it. I have gotten a ton of client work done this weekend. I took advantage of my Super Quad weekend energy and knocked out some pretty creative tasks. I am creating skeleton schedules for my repetitive client work into August in case I get to take a family trip to Florida. I have the social media posts for one of my clients already scheduled into July; I will only need to add events as they come up. It feels good to look at a task I am way ahead on and realize the ball will not be dropped if I have a medical setback. It would be awesome if I could schedule everyone ahead a year, but that is simply not possible.
The ability to do some creative work today made me think about how the two types of chemotherapy treatments have affected me. The slash and burn chemotherapy treatment I did for eight cycles from December 2018 until July 2019 made all my hair fall out, gave me eight Super Quad weekends, did not make me nauseous, gave me many, many complete exhaustion days, stripped my creative juices, and I was able to keep healing wounds.
Chemotherapy lite, which I started November 2019, has affected me differently. I still have all my short hair. I have had ten Super Quad weekends so far with plans for 14 more through June 2020. Chemotherapy lite also does not make me nauseous. I have not had any complete exhaustion days. I am still quite creative, although I still have trouble recalling words while speaking. I am not healing any wounds on chemotherapy lite; my wounds are getting bigger and multiplying.
Honestly, I think I would rather be on the slash and burn chemotherapy than chemotherapy lite. I do not mind being bald, and creativity can be overrated. I had far fewer utter exhaustion days for my last two slash and burn treatments than the first six as my overall health started improving. I did forget when I was listing slash and burn’s side effects to mention the dirt mouth I would get the Monday after treatment that made every item that went into my mouth taste bad for about three days. I do not really want dirt mouth back again. Maybe chemotherapy lite is not so bad.
Yesterday I was able to catch up my few-day backlog of journal entries. Some days I am simply unable or not motivated to write. On those days I write my idea for the day on the journal page and come back to it when my brain is ready. This past week I was out in the cold for doctor appointments for three days in a row and it is hard to type when I am unable to move my arms because I am too cold and still shivering. I wrote four journal days yesterday and gained three pounds this month, so I am feeling right back on track.
I LOVE productive days! The natural high I get when excited about a day well spent has not been matched by any of the drugs my cancer keeps trying to get me addicted to. The emotion I just felt as I wrote that sentence made me think about how I can write a journal entry a few days late and still relive the emotion I felt that day as I write. I wrote about how sad I felt on Thursday, yesterday. The idea sentences I write trigger that day’s emotion for me which expands as I write the words on the page.
My piece of advice to you is to give yourself some slack. Do I want to write every journal day in its entirety on its calendar day? Of course, I do. But holding myself to that standard would only result in failure and I would have probably quit writing when I got sick in November. I have thoughts complete strangers, friends, and my children may find comfort in after I pass that still need to be documented, and by giving myself the time I actually need to keep this project going instead of insisting I achieve an unattainable “perfect” schedule, I have guaranteed success. By next weekend I may be four journal days behind again and have fallen behind on client work, for now, I have gotten my mojo back.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.