Tuesday, December 31, 2019
I have interesting dreams. I do not remember most of them, and the ones I do remember usually involve buildings exploding after I walk out of them. My favorite dreams relate to my paralysis. I had my first paralysis dream within the first six months after my automobile accident. In my dream, I was riding on a sidewalk in my wheelchair. When I arrived at the end of the block, there was not a curb cut. I did what anyone else would have done, I hopped out of my wheelchair, pushed the wheelchair off the five-inch curb, sat back in the wheelchair, and continued rolling on to my destination.
Some people may have interpreted my dream to mean I would walk again someday. Not me, that ship had sailed. That dream told me obstacles could be easily over come if you did not get bogged down by details. In my dream, it did not matter that I was paralyzed, the easiest way to get the wheelchair off the sidewalk was to do it myself. My dream self maneuvered around the obstacle and continued on to her destination.
Some off my favorite paralysis dreams are those in which I remember I am paralyzed or have amputations during the dream. I dance occasionally in my dreams. After my amputations, in every dream I can remember of me dancing I am wearing thigh-high boots. No one can see that I do not have feet when my lack of lower legs is covered by leather. Never mind the fact that I cannot stand without feet (I have never had prosthetics in any dream I remember), that is simply a detail I do not need to get bogged down with.
In other dreams I know I am paralyzed, and I am in my wheelchair, but I do not have any physical limits. I recently had a dream in which I was checking out a neighborhood for accessibility. In the dream I was looking at apartments and the woman with me said the third one would be mine. I was in the apartment in my wheelchair and I told the woman, “No, I need the first apartment. This one has three stairs that I cannot get up in my wheelchair. Even while still dreaming I realized I could not possibly be inside that third apartment and immediately appeared in front of the building instead of inside. I woke up laughing.
I had a new type of paralysis dream last night. I rode a bicycle! This was not a three-wheeled hand cycle, like I have ridden sitting down since my accident a few times. It was a regular, two-wheeled bicycle that tips over easily. In my dream, I was bicycling along some rural roads in the area I was raised. I knew I was paralyzed in the dream because my significant other had to drive beside me because I might fall off the bike and be trapped on the ground.
I do not remember noticing thigh-high boots to camouflage my lack of feet, but I do not think that was my focus during the dream. I remember being impressed that I was able to bicycle all those miles (I get winded with the tiniest bit of physical activity now.) and keep going. I choose to believe my dream means I will get to continue on my journey longer than I think possible.
I have not had any cancer dreams that I have remembered, and I hope I never will. I accepted my paralysis and its consequences the day I had my automobile accident. I think if I dream of cancer it would mean I finally accept its consequences, and I am not ready to lose my favorite friend Denial and face reality.
My piece of advice to you is think about your dreams when you remember them. I think my dreams reflect my personality and I enjoy watching myself react the same way in dreams as I would while awake.
Until next time,
Susanne
P.S. I am annoyed because I have successfully not learned to spell paralysis without spell check for 24 years (Denial is my favorite friend) until today. Thank you, cancer, for taking that away from me too!
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
I have interesting dreams. I do not remember most of them, and the ones I do remember usually involve buildings exploding after I walk out of them. My favorite dreams relate to my paralysis. I had my first paralysis dream within the first six months after my automobile accident. In my dream, I was riding on a sidewalk in my wheelchair. When I arrived at the end of the block, there was not a curb cut. I did what anyone else would have done, I hopped out of my wheelchair, pushed the wheelchair off the five-inch curb, sat back in the wheelchair, and continued rolling on to my destination.
Some people may have interpreted my dream to mean I would walk again someday. Not me, that ship had sailed. That dream told me obstacles could be easily over come if you did not get bogged down by details. In my dream, it did not matter that I was paralyzed, the easiest way to get the wheelchair off the sidewalk was to do it myself. My dream self maneuvered around the obstacle and continued on to her destination.
Some off my favorite paralysis dreams are those in which I remember I am paralyzed or have amputations during the dream. I dance occasionally in my dreams. After my amputations, in every dream I can remember of me dancing I am wearing thigh-high boots. No one can see that I do not have feet when my lack of lower legs is covered by leather. Never mind the fact that I cannot stand without feet (I have never had prosthetics in any dream I remember), that is simply a detail I do not need to get bogged down with.
In other dreams I know I am paralyzed, and I am in my wheelchair, but I do not have any physical limits. I recently had a dream in which I was checking out a neighborhood for accessibility. In the dream I was looking at apartments and the woman with me said the third one would be mine. I was in the apartment in my wheelchair and I told the woman, “No, I need the first apartment. This one has three stairs that I cannot get up in my wheelchair. Even while still dreaming I realized I could not possibly be inside that third apartment and immediately appeared in front of the building instead of inside. I woke up laughing.
I had a new type of paralysis dream last night. I rode a bicycle! This was not a three-wheeled hand cycle, like I have ridden sitting down since my accident a few times. It was a regular, two-wheeled bicycle that tips over easily. In my dream, I was bicycling along some rural roads in the area I was raised. I knew I was paralyzed in the dream because my significant other had to drive beside me because I might fall off the bike and be trapped on the ground.
I do not remember noticing thigh-high boots to camouflage my lack of feet, but I do not think that was my focus during the dream. I remember being impressed that I was able to bicycle all those miles (I get winded with the tiniest bit of physical activity now.) and keep going. I choose to believe my dream means I will get to continue on my journey longer than I think possible.
I have not had any cancer dreams that I have remembered, and I hope I never will. I accepted my paralysis and its consequences the day I had my automobile accident. I think if I dream of cancer it would mean I finally accept its consequences, and I am not ready to lose my favorite friend Denial and face reality.
My piece of advice to you is think about your dreams when you remember them. I think my dreams reflect my personality and I enjoy watching myself react the same way in dreams as I would while awake.
Until next time,
Susanne
P.S. I am annoyed because I have successfully not learned to spell paralysis without spell check for 24 years (Denial is my favorite friend) until today. Thank you, cancer, for taking that away from me too!
Please check out my GoFundMe page.