Monday, April 6, 2020
My older daughter, Megan, told me this morning how frustrated she gets when people keep asking her about me. I never realized how many people we both know use her to get more information about me. People we both know are not the only problem. Once Megan tells her friends her mom uses a wheelchair because she is a quadriplegic or she has cancer, her friends ask about me nearly every time she talks to them. As Megan was relating her struggles to me, she said, “My mom is not the most interesting thing about me.” I agree. I am awesome, but so is Megan, and she is living her own amazing life.
One of my sisters texted Megan last week asking for my email address. My sister has my phone number, she could have called me. Thursday, I sent an email to my helper, “’I am not feeling well. Please stay home.” My helper texted Megan to see if I was okay. My sister in law texted Megan asking if she was doing okay financially since she lost two of her jobs. Then my sister in law asked Megan if I was homeschooling my seven-year-old, Mika. Megan is annoyed that people who can contact me directly think she is my keeper.
I get it. I am not very forthcoming with information. I type with one knuckle; I am not about to include unnecessary details. I felt like writing, “I am sick. Stay home.” My helper got three extra words. If my helper needed more details, I would have added them. If you think you need more information about me, ask me. I have a phone; I even answer it when I am home. Some people we both know do not want to “bother’ me, so they bother Megan instead. I would be annoyed too.
I cannot help Megan with people I do not know asking her about me. Megan told me this morning I am not even interesting, and I agreed. It is not like I am Angelina Jolie or Gayle King. I am an average, middle-class mom. I love my life; however, I do not expect to leave a footprint on many people’s hearts once I am gone. I think Megan’s friends are being polite when they ask about me, and it is simply a general, “How is your mom?”, versus grabbing her hand and saying, “Tell me about your mother!” I do not know; I do not live her life or experience her thoughts.
I do not want anyone to live in my shadow. I have six brothers and sisters. Our family moved when I was a junior in high school, so I, and my three younger siblings, graduated from the same school. Since I was the oldest, I was the example. Each of my brothers and sisters had their strengths and weaknesses. My older brother and oldest sister we both athletic and artistic. My next older sister was also athletic. Athleticism was the standard to which I could have been compared, but I was the brain. Nobody expected me to be amazing at running because I was “smart”.
My sister directly younger than me was not so lucky. I was the standard my younger siblings were compared in my new school. My youngest brother and sister did well in school, but my sister below me always struggled. My sister told me, many years later, that one of our teachers asked her why she did not put as much effort into her schoolwork as I had. The teacher told my sister she remembered me taking a big stack of books home to do homework every night.
My sister told that teacher I did, indeed, take a big stack of books home to do homework every night. My sister told that teacher I sat that stack of books on my dressing table every night in case I decided I would do homework that night and I almost never did. I would do my homework on the bus or during the period before it was due. I did not make any real effort to earn my grades, I simply learn new concepts easily.
My piece of advice to you is to focus your attention on your friends. It is okay to ask about someone’s family, but let your spotlight illuminate your amazing friend, even if their mom is Angelina Jolie.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
My older daughter, Megan, told me this morning how frustrated she gets when people keep asking her about me. I never realized how many people we both know use her to get more information about me. People we both know are not the only problem. Once Megan tells her friends her mom uses a wheelchair because she is a quadriplegic or she has cancer, her friends ask about me nearly every time she talks to them. As Megan was relating her struggles to me, she said, “My mom is not the most interesting thing about me.” I agree. I am awesome, but so is Megan, and she is living her own amazing life.
One of my sisters texted Megan last week asking for my email address. My sister has my phone number, she could have called me. Thursday, I sent an email to my helper, “’I am not feeling well. Please stay home.” My helper texted Megan to see if I was okay. My sister in law texted Megan asking if she was doing okay financially since she lost two of her jobs. Then my sister in law asked Megan if I was homeschooling my seven-year-old, Mika. Megan is annoyed that people who can contact me directly think she is my keeper.
I get it. I am not very forthcoming with information. I type with one knuckle; I am not about to include unnecessary details. I felt like writing, “I am sick. Stay home.” My helper got three extra words. If my helper needed more details, I would have added them. If you think you need more information about me, ask me. I have a phone; I even answer it when I am home. Some people we both know do not want to “bother’ me, so they bother Megan instead. I would be annoyed too.
I cannot help Megan with people I do not know asking her about me. Megan told me this morning I am not even interesting, and I agreed. It is not like I am Angelina Jolie or Gayle King. I am an average, middle-class mom. I love my life; however, I do not expect to leave a footprint on many people’s hearts once I am gone. I think Megan’s friends are being polite when they ask about me, and it is simply a general, “How is your mom?”, versus grabbing her hand and saying, “Tell me about your mother!” I do not know; I do not live her life or experience her thoughts.
I do not want anyone to live in my shadow. I have six brothers and sisters. Our family moved when I was a junior in high school, so I, and my three younger siblings, graduated from the same school. Since I was the oldest, I was the example. Each of my brothers and sisters had their strengths and weaknesses. My older brother and oldest sister we both athletic and artistic. My next older sister was also athletic. Athleticism was the standard to which I could have been compared, but I was the brain. Nobody expected me to be amazing at running because I was “smart”.
My sister directly younger than me was not so lucky. I was the standard my younger siblings were compared in my new school. My youngest brother and sister did well in school, but my sister below me always struggled. My sister told me, many years later, that one of our teachers asked her why she did not put as much effort into her schoolwork as I had. The teacher told my sister she remembered me taking a big stack of books home to do homework every night.
My sister told that teacher I did, indeed, take a big stack of books home to do homework every night. My sister told that teacher I sat that stack of books on my dressing table every night in case I decided I would do homework that night and I almost never did. I would do my homework on the bus or during the period before it was due. I did not make any real effort to earn my grades, I simply learn new concepts easily.
My piece of advice to you is to focus your attention on your friends. It is okay to ask about someone’s family, but let your spotlight illuminate your amazing friend, even if their mom is Angelina Jolie.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.