Sunday, November 17, 2019
I am in a motivational slump. It is probably me coming down from my steroid high. For several days before I resumed chemotherapy treatments last week, I tried to fight off a particularly nasty virus that has been making the rounds here in Colorado Springs. Last Friday, after my chemotherapy treatment, the virus won. I have been coughing so much the past week, I cannot sleep at night. I did not leave the house other than for doctor appointments.
Friday was treatment day and I was especially looking forward to the steroids. Not only because the steroids make me feel strong and hungry, but because steroids reduce inflammation which includes irritation of the lungs. By the time I went to bed Friday night I had completely quit coughing. I slept the whole night. The steroids delivered.
Yesterday I ate a lot of food and had a mostly cough-free day. Last night I slept pretty well, but when I woke up this morning the pressure was back in my chest. This time the chest congestion was accompanied by a sore throat. Here I am feeling physically awful and thinking I am ready to stop this whole chemotherapy treatment thing after only two treatments.
I feel like I have been hit by a bus, and if the new chemotherapy treatments are going to make me feel miserable, I do not want to take them. I know I am being premature; it is simply bad luck that I caught this cold at the same time I started my new treatment. Knowing it is bad luck is not keeping me from thinking I am on a bad chemotherapy treatment regimen.
On Thursday, I went to see my wound-care doctor. I am still attempting to heal the last three skin sores I got last year when my body was being ravaged by the cancer. One of my wounds got a little worse since I saw her last and I told her I was concerned my wounds will never heal again in my lifetime. Chemotherapy drugs impede healing, steroids impede healing. I am getting both. I am destined to have holes in my butt until I die.
On my last chemotherapy treatment regimen, I only had eight treatments spanning eight months. Yes, those drugs were more toxic, but my body had time to recover. I healed seven wounds in those eight months. On this new chemotherapy treatment regimen, I will have 24 treatments in eight months. My body is never going to get a break.
I know it is the foggy head and coughing fits talking, but right now I feel like the cure is worse than the problem and I am ready to get off the train. The best part, this particularly nasty virus runs for four to six weeks. Lucky me! On the bright side, I am not having any wheezing or whistling in my chest. The last thing I need is to develop pneumonia again and spend a week or two in the hospital.
My piece of advice to you is to allow yourself to feel miserable when you need to. My cold will pass, I may heal a wound, my defeatist attitude today will disappear. Today I choose to be unhappy. Even if the cold kicks my butt all week, on Friday I will get another dose of steroids. On Saturday I am going to feel great.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
I am in a motivational slump. It is probably me coming down from my steroid high. For several days before I resumed chemotherapy treatments last week, I tried to fight off a particularly nasty virus that has been making the rounds here in Colorado Springs. Last Friday, after my chemotherapy treatment, the virus won. I have been coughing so much the past week, I cannot sleep at night. I did not leave the house other than for doctor appointments.
Friday was treatment day and I was especially looking forward to the steroids. Not only because the steroids make me feel strong and hungry, but because steroids reduce inflammation which includes irritation of the lungs. By the time I went to bed Friday night I had completely quit coughing. I slept the whole night. The steroids delivered.
Yesterday I ate a lot of food and had a mostly cough-free day. Last night I slept pretty well, but when I woke up this morning the pressure was back in my chest. This time the chest congestion was accompanied by a sore throat. Here I am feeling physically awful and thinking I am ready to stop this whole chemotherapy treatment thing after only two treatments.
I feel like I have been hit by a bus, and if the new chemotherapy treatments are going to make me feel miserable, I do not want to take them. I know I am being premature; it is simply bad luck that I caught this cold at the same time I started my new treatment. Knowing it is bad luck is not keeping me from thinking I am on a bad chemotherapy treatment regimen.
On Thursday, I went to see my wound-care doctor. I am still attempting to heal the last three skin sores I got last year when my body was being ravaged by the cancer. One of my wounds got a little worse since I saw her last and I told her I was concerned my wounds will never heal again in my lifetime. Chemotherapy drugs impede healing, steroids impede healing. I am getting both. I am destined to have holes in my butt until I die.
On my last chemotherapy treatment regimen, I only had eight treatments spanning eight months. Yes, those drugs were more toxic, but my body had time to recover. I healed seven wounds in those eight months. On this new chemotherapy treatment regimen, I will have 24 treatments in eight months. My body is never going to get a break.
I know it is the foggy head and coughing fits talking, but right now I feel like the cure is worse than the problem and I am ready to get off the train. The best part, this particularly nasty virus runs for four to six weeks. Lucky me! On the bright side, I am not having any wheezing or whistling in my chest. The last thing I need is to develop pneumonia again and spend a week or two in the hospital.
My piece of advice to you is to allow yourself to feel miserable when you need to. My cold will pass, I may heal a wound, my defeatist attitude today will disappear. Today I choose to be unhappy. Even if the cold kicks my butt all week, on Friday I will get another dose of steroids. On Saturday I am going to feel great.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.