Monday, November 11, 2019
Just when you think you have reached the perfect level of denial; the real world rears its ugly head. I have a television in my bedroom. If I wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning, I cannot get out of bed to do anything, so I turn on the television. I usually wake up by six on the weekends and many times the rest of the family sleeps until nine.
On Sunday mornings I usually watch Sunday Morning on CBS. Yesterday morning, Sunday Morning ran a clip about grief. The clip, of course, was not general tips about moving on when someone dies. The grief clip was about the one out of ten people who cannot move past their grief. Okay, the clip did mention some support options, but all I heard simply reinforces my biggest fear, one out of ten people cannot move past their grief. I have four people in my life I think could become that one when I pass.
I am sure my parents will be fine. Yes, parents should not outlive their children, but my parents know I have had a happy life and we only talk a few times a year, so my parents are already accustomed to my absence. My brothers and sisters will be fine. We are not a tight-knit family. We all did what was expected of children in the 1980s. We moved out of our parent’s house when we graduated and made our own lives. I love my family and I know they love me, however neither my parents nor my siblings will likely fall into depression after my passing.
My friends will be fine. I am purposely reserved and the few friends I hang out with socially will miss that connection, but it is not a major part of their life. My casual friends will occasionally miss me, however I am a small blip on their life radar, so they will easily move on when I die.
That leaves my significant other, Donald, and my three children, Marcus, Megan, and Mika at risk of becoming that one person who cannot move past their grief. Donald is probably okay. I know he loves me, but a lot of times he does not like me much. I get it; I am self-centered and not very thoughtful. I am not super easy to live with. Donald will miss me, but he will not miss the stress of taking care of me. Donald will be too busy being a single parent to Mika to get stuck grieving after I move on.
Marcus will be fine. He already asks me when I call him, “You’re not dead yet?” I know Marcus loves me, but he moved out when he was 18 and has created and lived his own life for several years. He might miss me when it is time for him to call me to wish me a happy birth giver’s day on his birthday. Perhaps not.
Megan will probably be fine. She has grown a lot in the past few years and I think she has developed the skills to adapt to my passing. Megan and I see each other almost every single day, even since she closed on a house and moved out our family home at the end of August. I am frequently her (inadequate) sounding board when she needs to release work stress. Megan is sensitive, so she will probably miss me often and cry the most.
Mika is seven. Mika seems to be the child who has a personality closest to mine, so I hope she has that invincible, resilient core that will accept my passing as a necessary part of life, and she can move on. Mika still must go through puberty which can completely make over a child’s personality. I hope that Mika will not be that one person that cannot move past grief. My biggest fear about dying is tied to Mika’s ability to accept and move on to a happy life.
My piece of advice to you is to try not to stress out about dying. I am focusing on making my last days (hopefully years) with Mika happy for her so she can wrap herself in the comfort of my love when she feels left behind.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
Just when you think you have reached the perfect level of denial; the real world rears its ugly head. I have a television in my bedroom. If I wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning, I cannot get out of bed to do anything, so I turn on the television. I usually wake up by six on the weekends and many times the rest of the family sleeps until nine.
On Sunday mornings I usually watch Sunday Morning on CBS. Yesterday morning, Sunday Morning ran a clip about grief. The clip, of course, was not general tips about moving on when someone dies. The grief clip was about the one out of ten people who cannot move past their grief. Okay, the clip did mention some support options, but all I heard simply reinforces my biggest fear, one out of ten people cannot move past their grief. I have four people in my life I think could become that one when I pass.
I am sure my parents will be fine. Yes, parents should not outlive their children, but my parents know I have had a happy life and we only talk a few times a year, so my parents are already accustomed to my absence. My brothers and sisters will be fine. We are not a tight-knit family. We all did what was expected of children in the 1980s. We moved out of our parent’s house when we graduated and made our own lives. I love my family and I know they love me, however neither my parents nor my siblings will likely fall into depression after my passing.
My friends will be fine. I am purposely reserved and the few friends I hang out with socially will miss that connection, but it is not a major part of their life. My casual friends will occasionally miss me, however I am a small blip on their life radar, so they will easily move on when I die.
That leaves my significant other, Donald, and my three children, Marcus, Megan, and Mika at risk of becoming that one person who cannot move past their grief. Donald is probably okay. I know he loves me, but a lot of times he does not like me much. I get it; I am self-centered and not very thoughtful. I am not super easy to live with. Donald will miss me, but he will not miss the stress of taking care of me. Donald will be too busy being a single parent to Mika to get stuck grieving after I move on.
Marcus will be fine. He already asks me when I call him, “You’re not dead yet?” I know Marcus loves me, but he moved out when he was 18 and has created and lived his own life for several years. He might miss me when it is time for him to call me to wish me a happy birth giver’s day on his birthday. Perhaps not.
Megan will probably be fine. She has grown a lot in the past few years and I think she has developed the skills to adapt to my passing. Megan and I see each other almost every single day, even since she closed on a house and moved out our family home at the end of August. I am frequently her (inadequate) sounding board when she needs to release work stress. Megan is sensitive, so she will probably miss me often and cry the most.
Mika is seven. Mika seems to be the child who has a personality closest to mine, so I hope she has that invincible, resilient core that will accept my passing as a necessary part of life, and she can move on. Mika still must go through puberty which can completely make over a child’s personality. I hope that Mika will not be that one person that cannot move past grief. My biggest fear about dying is tied to Mika’s ability to accept and move on to a happy life.
My piece of advice to you is to try not to stress out about dying. I am focusing on making my last days (hopefully years) with Mika happy for her so she can wrap herself in the comfort of my love when she feels left behind.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.