Friday, December 27, 2019
My seven-year-old, Mika, and I have been sorting Mika’s very large collection of toys to pull out toys she no longer wants. We started last Friday and plan to finish by January 7th. Some days Mika does a pretty good job of sorting. Other days, like today, we have issues such as Mika pausing to play with each toy she touches or simply an unwillingness to work.
I confess, I get annoyed when Mika plays with every toy she touches when we are supposed to be cleaning. I want Mika to have fun, but it stresses me when it takes more than an hour to sort a medium-size bucket of toys when it should not take more than 15 minutes. At some point, when Mika is very distracted, I will raise my voice a little and snap at her in an annoyed tone. Mika will then burst into tears and tell me to quit yelling at her. Today while Mika was crying, she looked at me and said, “You know I have sensitive feelings.”
I blame the school and our politically correct society. It started when Mika was in Head Start and came home one day to proclaim, “I do not have to do anything I do not want to. My teacher told me I can say no.” and has gone downhill from there. I am pretty sure Head Start was teaching about no-no places and attempting to teach kids to say no to sexual aggression by others, but all four-year-old Mika heard was that she did not have to do what she was told.
I am not sure why this is curriculum in our schools. When my older daughter, Megan, had been in Head Start 17 years earlier, she spent her time writing her full name and letters. Megan learned about time and money. Mika learned to tell her momma no and did not learn how to spell her last name. I am sending my child to school to learn how to read, not how to tell me no.
The school trying to parent my child would not bother me so much if they would ever get it right. Every time Mika is subjected to one of these state-mandated sensitivity trainings, I need to unteach her what she learned at school. Mika was convinced she was being bullied nearly every day in first grade and I told her she was being too sensitive. Honestly, I was too sick to check out what was going on.
Mika started second grade telling me everyday she had been bullied and when I mentioned it to another mother, she said her daughter was saying the same thing. I asked a few other parents and they said their children complained of being bullied often. After conversations with the kids, we realized they did not understand the difference between having your feeling hurt and being bullied. Mika thought when someone said they did not like her art, they were bullying her.
I went to the school and explained the issue with their training, and they brushed me off. Mika and her friends are “smart” kids, if they do not understand what they are being told I am sure a lot of others are not either. Mika has been legitimately bullied twice in second grade (that I know of). Once, she was purposely bitten by another child at recess. The other time a girl said mean things to her in a bathroom. The girl in the second incident wrote Mika a very nice apology note, and Mika wrote her a thank you note back. We could all learn a lot from second graders.
My piece of advice to you is to help your kids feel their feelings and move on. I give Mika a hug and apologize for hurting her feelings when I snap at her. When she feels better, I help her see how her actions contribute to the situation and tell her she needs to apologize for her part. I am hoping to raise a child who will take responsibility for her mistakes and not always look for others to blame.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
My seven-year-old, Mika, and I have been sorting Mika’s very large collection of toys to pull out toys she no longer wants. We started last Friday and plan to finish by January 7th. Some days Mika does a pretty good job of sorting. Other days, like today, we have issues such as Mika pausing to play with each toy she touches or simply an unwillingness to work.
I confess, I get annoyed when Mika plays with every toy she touches when we are supposed to be cleaning. I want Mika to have fun, but it stresses me when it takes more than an hour to sort a medium-size bucket of toys when it should not take more than 15 minutes. At some point, when Mika is very distracted, I will raise my voice a little and snap at her in an annoyed tone. Mika will then burst into tears and tell me to quit yelling at her. Today while Mika was crying, she looked at me and said, “You know I have sensitive feelings.”
I blame the school and our politically correct society. It started when Mika was in Head Start and came home one day to proclaim, “I do not have to do anything I do not want to. My teacher told me I can say no.” and has gone downhill from there. I am pretty sure Head Start was teaching about no-no places and attempting to teach kids to say no to sexual aggression by others, but all four-year-old Mika heard was that she did not have to do what she was told.
I am not sure why this is curriculum in our schools. When my older daughter, Megan, had been in Head Start 17 years earlier, she spent her time writing her full name and letters. Megan learned about time and money. Mika learned to tell her momma no and did not learn how to spell her last name. I am sending my child to school to learn how to read, not how to tell me no.
The school trying to parent my child would not bother me so much if they would ever get it right. Every time Mika is subjected to one of these state-mandated sensitivity trainings, I need to unteach her what she learned at school. Mika was convinced she was being bullied nearly every day in first grade and I told her she was being too sensitive. Honestly, I was too sick to check out what was going on.
Mika started second grade telling me everyday she had been bullied and when I mentioned it to another mother, she said her daughter was saying the same thing. I asked a few other parents and they said their children complained of being bullied often. After conversations with the kids, we realized they did not understand the difference between having your feeling hurt and being bullied. Mika thought when someone said they did not like her art, they were bullying her.
I went to the school and explained the issue with their training, and they brushed me off. Mika and her friends are “smart” kids, if they do not understand what they are being told I am sure a lot of others are not either. Mika has been legitimately bullied twice in second grade (that I know of). Once, she was purposely bitten by another child at recess. The other time a girl said mean things to her in a bathroom. The girl in the second incident wrote Mika a very nice apology note, and Mika wrote her a thank you note back. We could all learn a lot from second graders.
My piece of advice to you is to help your kids feel their feelings and move on. I give Mika a hug and apologize for hurting her feelings when I snap at her. When she feels better, I help her see how her actions contribute to the situation and tell her she needs to apologize for her part. I am hoping to raise a child who will take responsibility for her mistakes and not always look for others to blame.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.