Wednesday, January 1, 2020
I started the new year my favorite way; in bed, asleep. I am not a drinker, so I do not need an excuse to party and I believe February 13th is just as good a date as January 1st to start a new project. I started writing this journal on October 5th. I would have missed 88 days and more than 55,000 words (some of those words are profound and some are completely irrelevant) that may comfort my family (or not) when I pass if I waited for today to start. New Year’s Day is not an event I feel the need to celebrate in any manner.
Today is already much better than yesterday. I almost told my daughter to leave me in bed after she gave me my shower yesterday morning. I had not slept well and was very tired. My seven-year-old, Mika, was home on school break so she could get me drinks and food as needed. I convinced myself a nap was no reason to stay in bed and put that extra work on Mika; I need to save bed days for when I really need them.
By 11:00 a.m. nausea was hitting me hard and I was thinking bad thoughts about the part of my brain that had overruled the part of my brain telling me to stay in bed. My tummy felt fine at 9:00 a.m., but somewhere my brain must have known what was coming because I do not remember not wanting to get up because I was tired before today. Usually, I feel trapped in the bed as soon as I wake up and cannot wait until someone is here to get me up.
I was sweaty and extremely cold from the minute I got up. At first, I attributed the extra cold to the fact I had showered in the morning rather than at night. It takes me a few hours to warm back up after I shower. Before my hair fell out, if I took a shower in the morning, I never seemed to warm up completely the entire day. I was only able to work for about an hour until I started shivering too hard to control my arms enough to continue working.
I turned on Netflix on my computer and started watching a movie. At 11:30 a.m. I tried to convince Mika to open a grapefruit soda for me to help with my nausea. Mika is afraid to open a soda can so that took us more than 15 minutes. The grapefruit soda did start to settle my stomach, but the excessive shivering was making me even more tired. I laid my chair back in hopes I could get hot air from my two space heaters blowing directly on more of my body and that might warm me up.
I was slightly warmer, and I even managed to doze off for about ten minutes, which is a feat itself because my chair is impossible to get comfortable in lying back. I would sit up approximately every 15 minutes to take a drink of my soda. Around 1:30 p.m. I started getting lightheaded when I sat up. The high heat, less fluids, and changing positions were wreaking havoc on my blood pressure, lowering it even more. I needed Mika to give me drinks when I started coughing (yes, I am still being held hostage by the nasty virus running Colorado Springs).
At noon, while I was still extremely nauseous, I was wishing like crazy my significant other, Donald, would end up only working half a day like Christmas Eve. No such luck. At 1:30 p.m., I was lying in my chair, counting the minutes until 2:30 p.m. when Donald would get off work and start home to put me in bed. At 3:20 p.m. I was calling Donald asking him when he would be home from running errands. Donald was not running errands and reminded me he was on his winter schedule (and has been for two months) and did not get off until 3:00 p.m. and would be home in a few minutes. I blame fatigue for my brain lapse.
My piece of advice to you is to trust your gut sometimes. I would have had a much better day yesterday if I had simply listened to the voice whispering in my ear, “Stay in bed.” Next time that voice needs to yell.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
I started the new year my favorite way; in bed, asleep. I am not a drinker, so I do not need an excuse to party and I believe February 13th is just as good a date as January 1st to start a new project. I started writing this journal on October 5th. I would have missed 88 days and more than 55,000 words (some of those words are profound and some are completely irrelevant) that may comfort my family (or not) when I pass if I waited for today to start. New Year’s Day is not an event I feel the need to celebrate in any manner.
Today is already much better than yesterday. I almost told my daughter to leave me in bed after she gave me my shower yesterday morning. I had not slept well and was very tired. My seven-year-old, Mika, was home on school break so she could get me drinks and food as needed. I convinced myself a nap was no reason to stay in bed and put that extra work on Mika; I need to save bed days for when I really need them.
By 11:00 a.m. nausea was hitting me hard and I was thinking bad thoughts about the part of my brain that had overruled the part of my brain telling me to stay in bed. My tummy felt fine at 9:00 a.m., but somewhere my brain must have known what was coming because I do not remember not wanting to get up because I was tired before today. Usually, I feel trapped in the bed as soon as I wake up and cannot wait until someone is here to get me up.
I was sweaty and extremely cold from the minute I got up. At first, I attributed the extra cold to the fact I had showered in the morning rather than at night. It takes me a few hours to warm back up after I shower. Before my hair fell out, if I took a shower in the morning, I never seemed to warm up completely the entire day. I was only able to work for about an hour until I started shivering too hard to control my arms enough to continue working.
I turned on Netflix on my computer and started watching a movie. At 11:30 a.m. I tried to convince Mika to open a grapefruit soda for me to help with my nausea. Mika is afraid to open a soda can so that took us more than 15 minutes. The grapefruit soda did start to settle my stomach, but the excessive shivering was making me even more tired. I laid my chair back in hopes I could get hot air from my two space heaters blowing directly on more of my body and that might warm me up.
I was slightly warmer, and I even managed to doze off for about ten minutes, which is a feat itself because my chair is impossible to get comfortable in lying back. I would sit up approximately every 15 minutes to take a drink of my soda. Around 1:30 p.m. I started getting lightheaded when I sat up. The high heat, less fluids, and changing positions were wreaking havoc on my blood pressure, lowering it even more. I needed Mika to give me drinks when I started coughing (yes, I am still being held hostage by the nasty virus running Colorado Springs).
At noon, while I was still extremely nauseous, I was wishing like crazy my significant other, Donald, would end up only working half a day like Christmas Eve. No such luck. At 1:30 p.m., I was lying in my chair, counting the minutes until 2:30 p.m. when Donald would get off work and start home to put me in bed. At 3:20 p.m. I was calling Donald asking him when he would be home from running errands. Donald was not running errands and reminded me he was on his winter schedule (and has been for two months) and did not get off until 3:00 p.m. and would be home in a few minutes. I blame fatigue for my brain lapse.
My piece of advice to you is to trust your gut sometimes. I would have had a much better day yesterday if I had simply listened to the voice whispering in my ear, “Stay in bed.” Next time that voice needs to yell.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.