Monday, January 27, 2020
This morning, I woke up literally to the news of Kobe Bryant and his daughter’s death. I started sleeping with the television on while I was in the hospital for rehabilitation after my automobile accident and for treatment of the flesh eating disease. At night I could hear footsteps of people walking down the hall, IV machines beeping in other rooms, and just about every other annoying noise at night. I started keeping the television on at night to drown out the occasional noise that kept waking me up with a steady noise that allowed me to stay asleep.
I fall asleep with one channel on and then usually wake up to infomercials, turn the channel to news, and go back to sleep. News is usually fairly monotone which makes it easy for me to stay asleep. Once in a while the words will affect my dreams or I will hear them because I have moved into a lighter sleep cycle. This morning at approximately 2:30 a.m. my brain heard words that did not make sense while in that lighter sleep cycle and it was just enough to wake me up and think, “Did I just hear what I think I heard?”
Once I woke up enough to pay attention, I learned that, sure enough, I did hear that Kobe Bryant and his daughter were killed in a helicopter crash. The news made me surprisingly sad. The reason the sadness was surprising is that I am not a Kobe Bryant fan. I own several Prince albums and used to jog to one of his albums on my Walkman for an entire track season in high school. I thought Prince’s death was a shame, but it did not sadden me. I had never met Prince before he died. I have felt the same detachment when other celebrities I have watched, listened to, or read have passed. I do not know them enough to be sad.
I do not watch professional basketball, so I have never seen Kobe Bryant play. I am certain I probably could not pick him out of a group of other basketball players. My older daughter told me this morning she had heard the news yesterday, and she mentioned when you make a great shot playing recreational basketball, people yell “Kobe”. I have never heard anyone yell “Kobe” when my seven-year-old and I go to parks
In October, I watched an interview with Kobe Bryant on CBS. They discussed his books, my older daughter had bought one to read with my younger daughter, his creative company and his most-important role, fatherhood. I could see the strong family bond in his words and photos and that must have created a subconscious connection. I feel true sadness for the loss of his creative accomplishments that were yet to come. I feel sadness for the loss of a young girl who never got a chance to finish reaching for her dreams.
Mostly, I feel sadness for the wife/mother and children/siblings left behind without warning. I am sure Kobe Bryant’s family will be taken care of financially and will get counseling to help them cope with their devastation, but I doubt it even occurred to Kobe Bryant to record “in case I die” videos. It did not occur to me to record videos before I got my terminal diagnosis. I did not write every day so my family could get a glimpse into my head during my last days until I accepted my mortality. I think my sadness comes from the knowledge I will leave my family behind also.
My piece of advice to you is to accept your mortality. Make a list of friends and family that may be comforted by a farewell message from you. I am sure it will be easier to record farewell messages when you do not expect to actually die soon than when you receive a death sentence. Remember to update your videos every few years, keep them in a safe place, and let someone know they exist and where they are located.
P.S. (written 1-28-2020) I did see a clip during the credits of The Bachelor last night with two people shooting baskets and someone did yell “Kobe” when a nice shot was made, so it must really be a thing.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
This morning, I woke up literally to the news of Kobe Bryant and his daughter’s death. I started sleeping with the television on while I was in the hospital for rehabilitation after my automobile accident and for treatment of the flesh eating disease. At night I could hear footsteps of people walking down the hall, IV machines beeping in other rooms, and just about every other annoying noise at night. I started keeping the television on at night to drown out the occasional noise that kept waking me up with a steady noise that allowed me to stay asleep.
I fall asleep with one channel on and then usually wake up to infomercials, turn the channel to news, and go back to sleep. News is usually fairly monotone which makes it easy for me to stay asleep. Once in a while the words will affect my dreams or I will hear them because I have moved into a lighter sleep cycle. This morning at approximately 2:30 a.m. my brain heard words that did not make sense while in that lighter sleep cycle and it was just enough to wake me up and think, “Did I just hear what I think I heard?”
Once I woke up enough to pay attention, I learned that, sure enough, I did hear that Kobe Bryant and his daughter were killed in a helicopter crash. The news made me surprisingly sad. The reason the sadness was surprising is that I am not a Kobe Bryant fan. I own several Prince albums and used to jog to one of his albums on my Walkman for an entire track season in high school. I thought Prince’s death was a shame, but it did not sadden me. I had never met Prince before he died. I have felt the same detachment when other celebrities I have watched, listened to, or read have passed. I do not know them enough to be sad.
I do not watch professional basketball, so I have never seen Kobe Bryant play. I am certain I probably could not pick him out of a group of other basketball players. My older daughter told me this morning she had heard the news yesterday, and she mentioned when you make a great shot playing recreational basketball, people yell “Kobe”. I have never heard anyone yell “Kobe” when my seven-year-old and I go to parks
In October, I watched an interview with Kobe Bryant on CBS. They discussed his books, my older daughter had bought one to read with my younger daughter, his creative company and his most-important role, fatherhood. I could see the strong family bond in his words and photos and that must have created a subconscious connection. I feel true sadness for the loss of his creative accomplishments that were yet to come. I feel sadness for the loss of a young girl who never got a chance to finish reaching for her dreams.
Mostly, I feel sadness for the wife/mother and children/siblings left behind without warning. I am sure Kobe Bryant’s family will be taken care of financially and will get counseling to help them cope with their devastation, but I doubt it even occurred to Kobe Bryant to record “in case I die” videos. It did not occur to me to record videos before I got my terminal diagnosis. I did not write every day so my family could get a glimpse into my head during my last days until I accepted my mortality. I think my sadness comes from the knowledge I will leave my family behind also.
My piece of advice to you is to accept your mortality. Make a list of friends and family that may be comforted by a farewell message from you. I am sure it will be easier to record farewell messages when you do not expect to actually die soon than when you receive a death sentence. Remember to update your videos every few years, keep them in a safe place, and let someone know they exist and where they are located.
P.S. (written 1-28-2020) I did see a clip during the credits of The Bachelor last night with two people shooting baskets and someone did yell “Kobe” when a nice shot was made, so it must really be a thing.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.