Wednesday, May 13, 2020
I can procrastinate with the best of people. If the Internal Revenue Service is going to give me three months extra to file our taxes, I am going to take them. Honestly, I do like to do taxes as soon as I can, however, this year my older daughter, Megan, bought a house and now has renters living with her. Renters meant I need to learn new forms and do research to help Megan file her taxes. I love to learn new facts, so I am happy to learn how to file the taxes for when you have renters, however I have not been super motivated lately and Megan has a tendency to be a little slow getting me information I want. Today, I finished the first draft of Megan taxes and perhaps will actually mail the forms and money by July 15, 2020.
In addition to completing a rough draft for Megan's taxes, I managed to deeply offend one of my friends. It is a nice day, so I took my seven-year-old, Mika, for a walk. Mika and I walked to one of her friend’s house. I am friends with the mom; Mika is friends with the daughter, and we usually get along well together. This family has been an amazing part of my cancer support system. We decided to walk to the playground near our house so the girls could ride their scooters and run around. There was another group with a couple of adult men, a woman, and a child hanging out while we were at the playground and the girls decided to climb trees.
Mika and her friend decided to choose a different tree to climb today. Within about 20 minutes, Mika was stuck in the tree afraid to come down. Once I realized Mika was truly not going to come down the tree because she would not listen to her friend tell her the way to go, I rolled over to the group and asked one of the men if they would help get Mika down from the tree. After Mika was finally out of the tree, my friend told me very calmly and politely she did not appreciate the fact I did not even ask her to help get Mika out of the tree because she was blind. Wow! I am not going to say my friend’s blindness did not contribute to my decision a little bit; however, it was the last qualifier on the reasons I went and asked a man to help.
I sent an email to my friend after Mika and I returned home because I had upset my friend greatly and she wanted a little cooling off period. “I apologize for upsetting you today. I understand you think I do not trust you, but that is not the case. One of the mantras drilled into me during rehab was, “be willing to ask for help”. Mika was 15 feet in the air; and unwilling to follow our directions to safely climb down the tree. At that height, if she jumped out of the tree, she could hurt both herself and the person catching her. I believe you think I asked for other help because you are blind, but the reason was more because you are a woman. I have had both male and female caregivers and when I pull against a woman, they usually fall into me. I do not have that issue with men. I did say to you, you are not going to see her to catch her properly, because I was concerned Mika would hurt you if she did not jump straight.”
My friend has been blind since she was a small child, so I am sure she was always taught to do for yourself first and only get help when you absolutely need it. I became disabled as an adult. I was told quality of life is more important than independence and I focus on doing the parts I can do myself for myself and asking for help immediately for tasks I do not feel comfortable completing. I was so wrapped up in the moment it never occurred to me that by not asking my friend for help first it would upset her (I understand why it did now). My brain was asking, “What is the quickest way to resolve this situation?” and I simply leapt into action without thinking. Hopefully, I will remember this situation and make better choices in the future.
My piece of advice to you is to understand your differences and be willing to apologize when somebody does not hear the words you say the way you think you are saying them. I am sure my friend and I will work out our philosophical differences because we are grownups and I really do like, trust, and respect her as a person and a friend.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
I can procrastinate with the best of people. If the Internal Revenue Service is going to give me three months extra to file our taxes, I am going to take them. Honestly, I do like to do taxes as soon as I can, however, this year my older daughter, Megan, bought a house and now has renters living with her. Renters meant I need to learn new forms and do research to help Megan file her taxes. I love to learn new facts, so I am happy to learn how to file the taxes for when you have renters, however I have not been super motivated lately and Megan has a tendency to be a little slow getting me information I want. Today, I finished the first draft of Megan taxes and perhaps will actually mail the forms and money by July 15, 2020.
In addition to completing a rough draft for Megan's taxes, I managed to deeply offend one of my friends. It is a nice day, so I took my seven-year-old, Mika, for a walk. Mika and I walked to one of her friend’s house. I am friends with the mom; Mika is friends with the daughter, and we usually get along well together. This family has been an amazing part of my cancer support system. We decided to walk to the playground near our house so the girls could ride their scooters and run around. There was another group with a couple of adult men, a woman, and a child hanging out while we were at the playground and the girls decided to climb trees.
Mika and her friend decided to choose a different tree to climb today. Within about 20 minutes, Mika was stuck in the tree afraid to come down. Once I realized Mika was truly not going to come down the tree because she would not listen to her friend tell her the way to go, I rolled over to the group and asked one of the men if they would help get Mika down from the tree. After Mika was finally out of the tree, my friend told me very calmly and politely she did not appreciate the fact I did not even ask her to help get Mika out of the tree because she was blind. Wow! I am not going to say my friend’s blindness did not contribute to my decision a little bit; however, it was the last qualifier on the reasons I went and asked a man to help.
I sent an email to my friend after Mika and I returned home because I had upset my friend greatly and she wanted a little cooling off period. “I apologize for upsetting you today. I understand you think I do not trust you, but that is not the case. One of the mantras drilled into me during rehab was, “be willing to ask for help”. Mika was 15 feet in the air; and unwilling to follow our directions to safely climb down the tree. At that height, if she jumped out of the tree, she could hurt both herself and the person catching her. I believe you think I asked for other help because you are blind, but the reason was more because you are a woman. I have had both male and female caregivers and when I pull against a woman, they usually fall into me. I do not have that issue with men. I did say to you, you are not going to see her to catch her properly, because I was concerned Mika would hurt you if she did not jump straight.”
My friend has been blind since she was a small child, so I am sure she was always taught to do for yourself first and only get help when you absolutely need it. I became disabled as an adult. I was told quality of life is more important than independence and I focus on doing the parts I can do myself for myself and asking for help immediately for tasks I do not feel comfortable completing. I was so wrapped up in the moment it never occurred to me that by not asking my friend for help first it would upset her (I understand why it did now). My brain was asking, “What is the quickest way to resolve this situation?” and I simply leapt into action without thinking. Hopefully, I will remember this situation and make better choices in the future.
My piece of advice to you is to understand your differences and be willing to apologize when somebody does not hear the words you say the way you think you are saying them. I am sure my friend and I will work out our philosophical differences because we are grownups and I really do like, trust, and respect her as a person and a friend.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.