Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Why do I make statements out loud? I know better. A million years ago, when I got out of the rehabilitation hospital after the automobile accident hat left me paralyzed, I made a statement. “At least I only have this little scar here and this little scar here.” I was still preoccupied with my looks and the little scar on my belly from where they did exploratory surgery to check for internal injuries after my automobile accident and the little scar in the base of my neck from when they pinned my spine back together were barely noticeable.
The humility gods must have heard my statement and decreed, “Paralysis is not enough to curb Susanne’s vanity, she needs a bigger curveball.” Four and one-half months later I was fighting for my life having contracted the flesh eating disease. When it rains it pours! I am now minus two feet and my body is more scar than not. I just had to speak the words out loud.
Yesterday, when my volunteer was here, we were talking about how great I have been feeling the past few days. I told her I had finally kicked my nasty virus again, my appetite was back on track again, and my sweating had stopped for the past few days. Why did I say those words out loud? Today the sweat is back.
I would rate my sweat as a medium today. It is heavy enough for me notice and be annoyed by at home, but not enough to start me shivering and render me unable to work. Until I went to school to have lunch with my seven-year-old, Mika. The actual temperature today is not that cold, however there was a bitter cold wind blowing on the sweat covering my body on my way to and from the school.
It takes a while for me to warm up enough to function once I get cold and it does not take much to get me cold. I have a low core temperature (which my older daughter says comes from my cold heart). My temperature frequently drops into the 95s or lower. When my temperature drops too low, I shiver so much I have difficulty straightening my arms and if I do get them straight, they shake so much I cannot control my trackball or type well. I simply sit in front of my heater, turn on Netflix on my computer, and wait (sometimes hours) to warm up.
It was a little rough for me when I returned home from having lunch with Mika. I was functional again after about an hour and the rest of the day has been fine. It is only 158 days until summer when I can sit outside in 85-degree weather to warm up in the unlikely event I get cold. Air conditioning is my only cold problem in the summer. I carry my coat with me to wear on the bus and when I am in indoor places all summer long.
I will trade recovering from the cold to have lunch with Mika each week at school; it makes her feel special. We only have 17 more weeks of lunches this year, and now that I am scheduling decluttering days there may be a week or more I am unable to fit lunch with Mika into my schedule between now and when school ends. I am okay with letting those few lunches go because if I finish decluttering my lower level by the end of the school year (and if this week is any indication, I will) Mika and I will be able to run the streets whenever we want for ten glorious, warm weeks. (Dr. Doom and Gloom had better give me a summer break after I finish cycle eight in this round of chemotherapy.)
My piece of advice to you is keep your thoughts to yourself sometimes. I know my speaking out loud did not really make the humility gods laugh at me and my sweat did not come back today because I told my friend it was gone yesterday. Life is what it is, and bad things happen to good people. I am a good person even if I am able to disconnect my humanity at will. My older children will tell you I am the meanest mother in the world, mainly because I said it to them frequently when they were young. I have only said that line to Mika a few times; I have mellowed out in my older age. However, I have still not learned to keep my mouth shut.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
Why do I make statements out loud? I know better. A million years ago, when I got out of the rehabilitation hospital after the automobile accident hat left me paralyzed, I made a statement. “At least I only have this little scar here and this little scar here.” I was still preoccupied with my looks and the little scar on my belly from where they did exploratory surgery to check for internal injuries after my automobile accident and the little scar in the base of my neck from when they pinned my spine back together were barely noticeable.
The humility gods must have heard my statement and decreed, “Paralysis is not enough to curb Susanne’s vanity, she needs a bigger curveball.” Four and one-half months later I was fighting for my life having contracted the flesh eating disease. When it rains it pours! I am now minus two feet and my body is more scar than not. I just had to speak the words out loud.
Yesterday, when my volunteer was here, we were talking about how great I have been feeling the past few days. I told her I had finally kicked my nasty virus again, my appetite was back on track again, and my sweating had stopped for the past few days. Why did I say those words out loud? Today the sweat is back.
I would rate my sweat as a medium today. It is heavy enough for me notice and be annoyed by at home, but not enough to start me shivering and render me unable to work. Until I went to school to have lunch with my seven-year-old, Mika. The actual temperature today is not that cold, however there was a bitter cold wind blowing on the sweat covering my body on my way to and from the school.
It takes a while for me to warm up enough to function once I get cold and it does not take much to get me cold. I have a low core temperature (which my older daughter says comes from my cold heart). My temperature frequently drops into the 95s or lower. When my temperature drops too low, I shiver so much I have difficulty straightening my arms and if I do get them straight, they shake so much I cannot control my trackball or type well. I simply sit in front of my heater, turn on Netflix on my computer, and wait (sometimes hours) to warm up.
It was a little rough for me when I returned home from having lunch with Mika. I was functional again after about an hour and the rest of the day has been fine. It is only 158 days until summer when I can sit outside in 85-degree weather to warm up in the unlikely event I get cold. Air conditioning is my only cold problem in the summer. I carry my coat with me to wear on the bus and when I am in indoor places all summer long.
I will trade recovering from the cold to have lunch with Mika each week at school; it makes her feel special. We only have 17 more weeks of lunches this year, and now that I am scheduling decluttering days there may be a week or more I am unable to fit lunch with Mika into my schedule between now and when school ends. I am okay with letting those few lunches go because if I finish decluttering my lower level by the end of the school year (and if this week is any indication, I will) Mika and I will be able to run the streets whenever we want for ten glorious, warm weeks. (Dr. Doom and Gloom had better give me a summer break after I finish cycle eight in this round of chemotherapy.)
My piece of advice to you is keep your thoughts to yourself sometimes. I know my speaking out loud did not really make the humility gods laugh at me and my sweat did not come back today because I told my friend it was gone yesterday. Life is what it is, and bad things happen to good people. I am a good person even if I am able to disconnect my humanity at will. My older children will tell you I am the meanest mother in the world, mainly because I said it to them frequently when they were young. I have only said that line to Mika a few times; I have mellowed out in my older age. However, I have still not learned to keep my mouth shut.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.