Saturday, March 7, 2020
My seven-year-old, Mika, had practice for a school event today. The contest is next Saturday, so the group has been practicing the past few Saturdays. The temperature is in the low 60s right now, so I rolled to the school to pick up Mika when practice was finished. I wanted some uninterrupted time to talk to Mika about her asking me if I would still be alive at Halloween yesterday.

I told Mika we were unable to make my cancer go all the way away, and the cancer would probably kill me. I told her I was doing very well and could live until she was at least ten, and then we could talk about my life expectancy again. (I am very positive after my visit with Dr. Doom and Gloom yesterday.) I told Mika I would let her know if there were any changes to my possible timeline. Mika seemed okay with my explanation and we stopped at her friend’s house to bring her to our house to play.

I had noticed some building going on in the one empty lot in my neighborhood. The man who lived next door to me when I moved in had purchased the lot many years ago to prevent anyone from building on it. When my neighbor moved a few years back, he sold that empty lot separate from the developed lot. The girls and I walked to the construction site and spoke to the builder. He is building a house that he has not sold yet. I wished him luck because my neighborhood is hot right now. The least expensive home for sale in my neighborhood is listed for $345,000; $100,000 more than most homes sold for two years ago.

I have noticed more violent crimes have been reported on the news lately, and I believe it is directly related to the rising cost of living in Colorado Springs. With the median home price at $316,000, median home rent at $1,600 per month, and median apartment rent at $1,200 per month, it is difficult to afford to live here if you do not make at least $75,000 per year. The median income is $54,000 per year. Unfortunately, the stress of trying to make ends meet is causing people to make bad choices. Our violent crime is not contained to a certain “shady’ part of town, it happens in “nice” neighborhoods, like mine, across the city.

I do not have an answer for our housing issues in Colorado Springs. I saw a report on the news a few months back about an eastern city that was building a housing development in which lower-income residents could purchase a home with a promise to live there at least five years. To ensure the neighborhood stays affordable when homes are placed on the market and people move out, there is a cap for how much the home can appreciate for listing like 2 percent a year. I do not think this was a requirement, but I think all resales should be restricted to qualified, lower-income buyers.

The girls have been playing everywhere in the house today, until I just sent them outside because they were playing a little aggressively and items started to get knocked over. I will let them play for another half hour or so, and then we will walk Mika’s friend home. Mika had a lot of days home without anyone to play with the past two weeks and she was really desperate to have someone to play with. I am glad her friend was available for a few hours this afternoon.

Next week, we are back to the regular school schedule, so Mika will see her friends at school, and I am sure our conversation this afternoon will be forgotten. I hope our conversation alleviates some of the stress Mika has been feeling and not exacerbate it. Mika really did seem fine with my explanation of events.

My piece of advice to you is to have the talk with whomever you need about whatever you need before you think it is necessary. I should have clarified facts with Mika back in October, but I thought I was protecting her by staying silent. I was probably wrong.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.

Friday, March 6, 2020
I just got back from seeing Dr. Doom and Gloom. My significant other, Donald had the day off, so I needed to give him a synopsis of my visit almost as soon as I rolled in the door. I know Donald is upset by my short shelf life, and he probably would come with me to my appointments to get the news firsthand, if I would let him. My cancer treatment is a time-consuming process, and I am sure it will get more so before I expire. I am going to do as many of the appointments on my own as I can now, because there will come a time in which I will no longer be able to do many of the cancer tasks and appointments by myself, and I do not want that time to be draining for my family.

I received mostly good news from Dr. Doom and Gloom today. Unfortunately, my cancer is now visible again on the scans, which it was not back in August. Fortunately, Dr. Doom and Gloom said my cancer is still small. Dr. Doom and Gloom told me he was hoping I was going to say the exposed bone wound was the result of me making bad choices and not the chemotherapy drug, but I could not indulge him. I told Dr. Doom and Gloom my wounds had been steadily getting worse since we had started chemotherapy lite, until the new one opened to bone a few weeks ago.

Dr. Doom and Gloom, Candice the PA, and I discussed my treatment options. Option one, restart chemotherapy lite next week, and finish my cycles. That option was deemed too dangerous. Since the cancer is still small, Dr. Doom and Gloom said we have time to halt chemotherapy and let my wounds heal a little more. Option two, take a wound-healing break and then restart chemotherapy lite. Dr. Doom and Gloom said he was certain it was the chemotherapy drug specifically that was causing my skin issues. Both he and Candice the PA said my steroid dose was not large enough to affect wound healing to this degree. Option three, take a wound-healing break and then start a new chemotherapy drug.

We chose chemotherapy lite back in October because the other chemotherapy option has a common side effect of skin rashes. Today we decided skin rashes were better than skin holes and we are going with option three. (I feel like I am on an episode of Chemotherapy Hunters.) Now I need to come up with a journal name for my new chemotherapy. The best news I received from Dr. Doom and Gloom today was that my new chemotherapy is one day of a 28-day cycle. Four weeks between treatments! Woo hoo!

I was instructed to call Candice the PA after my next wound care appointment in two weeks to report progress and determine if we would extend my break further or start my new chemotherapy. I also remembered to ask for the results of my tuberculosis test and was told I am clear, as I expected.

I was not really anxious about today’s visit, but I did know the scans could have told a much more devastating story and I would have needed to scrap my three-year exceptional exit plan for a much shorter plan. Denial still gets to be my favorite friend and I may really get at least two more birthdays with my seven-year-old, Mika.

Mika has a day off school today for end of quarter and she wanted to me to record a video of one of her “acts” to music. She just asked me if I was going to be alive at Halloween, so I could post her video then. My heart fell out of my body. So much for keeping Mika in the dark about my fate. I need to have a real conversation with Mika already; I am not ready to say those words out loud to her.

My piece of advice to you is to accept good news when it comes your way. Yes, my cancer has grown; I knew that would happen. My cancer is still small, and Dr. Doom and Gloom is not telling me to make my final preparations; he also told me to note he was not all doom and gloom today.

Until next time,
Susanne

Please check out my GoFundMe page.