Monday, February 10, 2020
I am completely losing my mind. I have been preparing for my seven-year-old’s, Mika, day off school for several days now. I told my helper on Thursday what we would be doing differently today with her cleaning routine so Mika’s playdate would not interfere with her work. I decided Mika and I would skip filming any videos for her YouTube channel because we have a several week lead and I wanted to simply relax with our friends when they came to visit and not spend the early morning wrangling Mika’s attention.
I got out of bed and got a little bit of work done that I wanted to finish before our friends came. Mika was playing on the computer and the relaxing day I had envisioned was a reality. Until 9:45 a.m. I have a weekly reminder on my calendar set for 10:00 a.m. because Mika has a late start every Monday. Of course, I can remember Mika starts school late on Mondays; I put the reminder on my calendar, so I do not schedule any appointments at that time. When I get a Neulasta shot on a school day, my appointment gets scheduled at 11:00 a.m. instead of 9:40 a.m.
I did not understand why the late start reminder popped up with its 15-minute warning. When I add Mika’s school days off to my calendar, I usually delete the late start occurrence from the Mondays she does not have school. I decided I would delete the occurrence from my calendar right then and clicked on the day. “This is odd. There is not a no school entry on today’s date.” I thought. Fortunately, I happened to look at my time and date display on my computer at the same time and noticed it was February 10th.
FEBRUARY 10th! Mika’s day off school is February 17th! We have 15 minutes to get ready and make the 20-minute walk to school! Mika spent last night at her older sister’s house, so she came home dressed this morning when her sister brought her back. I am so thankful for that little blessing. Mika and I were jacketed up and running out of the house in two minutes. Mika ran approximately half the way to school, and I made her walk very fast when she was taking a break from running. We got to school at 10:02 a.m., three minutes before the late bell rings.
How could I have been so wrong? Today is not a school vacation day; it is next week. I was convinced for several days today was Mika’s day off. I told her dad yesterday not to pick her up from school today because she would be home. That was a fun phone call. “Hi. I need you to pick up Mika after school, because I am losing my mind and obviously am unable to keep track of what day it is.”
Chemotherapy lite is messing with my day awareness. Last week I was getting into bed and got excited I was early enough to watch some of my favorite Thursday night television shows. When I turned on the television, I realized it was Tuesday. I have noticed this day confusion going on for about two months. It has been quietly messing with my head only causing minor distractions and disappointments. Today was the first day it slapped me in the face; and it hurt.
I am disappointed I am not getting the fantasy day of relaxation and friendship I was expecting. I do not know why I was so excited to have this particular day off. My helper will do her regular cleaning routine today and our friends will come next week for our correctly scheduled play date. Even knowing my great day is just another week away, my soul still feels a little empty and I am craving connection.
My piece of advice to you is to accept your “stupid” moments. We all have lapses in reality and during mine today for an hour and a half I got the relaxing day I wanted. Chemo brain is not always bad.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
I am completely losing my mind. I have been preparing for my seven-year-old’s, Mika, day off school for several days now. I told my helper on Thursday what we would be doing differently today with her cleaning routine so Mika’s playdate would not interfere with her work. I decided Mika and I would skip filming any videos for her YouTube channel because we have a several week lead and I wanted to simply relax with our friends when they came to visit and not spend the early morning wrangling Mika’s attention.
I got out of bed and got a little bit of work done that I wanted to finish before our friends came. Mika was playing on the computer and the relaxing day I had envisioned was a reality. Until 9:45 a.m. I have a weekly reminder on my calendar set for 10:00 a.m. because Mika has a late start every Monday. Of course, I can remember Mika starts school late on Mondays; I put the reminder on my calendar, so I do not schedule any appointments at that time. When I get a Neulasta shot on a school day, my appointment gets scheduled at 11:00 a.m. instead of 9:40 a.m.
I did not understand why the late start reminder popped up with its 15-minute warning. When I add Mika’s school days off to my calendar, I usually delete the late start occurrence from the Mondays she does not have school. I decided I would delete the occurrence from my calendar right then and clicked on the day. “This is odd. There is not a no school entry on today’s date.” I thought. Fortunately, I happened to look at my time and date display on my computer at the same time and noticed it was February 10th.
FEBRUARY 10th! Mika’s day off school is February 17th! We have 15 minutes to get ready and make the 20-minute walk to school! Mika spent last night at her older sister’s house, so she came home dressed this morning when her sister brought her back. I am so thankful for that little blessing. Mika and I were jacketed up and running out of the house in two minutes. Mika ran approximately half the way to school, and I made her walk very fast when she was taking a break from running. We got to school at 10:02 a.m., three minutes before the late bell rings.
How could I have been so wrong? Today is not a school vacation day; it is next week. I was convinced for several days today was Mika’s day off. I told her dad yesterday not to pick her up from school today because she would be home. That was a fun phone call. “Hi. I need you to pick up Mika after school, because I am losing my mind and obviously am unable to keep track of what day it is.”
Chemotherapy lite is messing with my day awareness. Last week I was getting into bed and got excited I was early enough to watch some of my favorite Thursday night television shows. When I turned on the television, I realized it was Tuesday. I have noticed this day confusion going on for about two months. It has been quietly messing with my head only causing minor distractions and disappointments. Today was the first day it slapped me in the face; and it hurt.
I am disappointed I am not getting the fantasy day of relaxation and friendship I was expecting. I do not know why I was so excited to have this particular day off. My helper will do her regular cleaning routine today and our friends will come next week for our correctly scheduled play date. Even knowing my great day is just another week away, my soul still feels a little empty and I am craving connection.
My piece of advice to you is to accept your “stupid” moments. We all have lapses in reality and during mine today for an hour and a half I got the relaxing day I wanted. Chemo brain is not always bad.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.