Friday, May 22, 2020
Yesterday I accepted a new client. I know better; I have quit accepting new client. Why did I say yes? I am still not quite sure a day later what I was thinking other than I really like my new client, and I told her I could only do work through November because my soul-sucking chemotherapy has been draining my energy and I do not know how it will affect me after several months of accumulated soul sucking. The work I need to do for my new client is not overly time sensitive or time draining. I think I can do approximately 20 to 30 hours of work for her during the next several months. Not every day has been horrible since I started the soul-sucking chemotherapy, simply a whole lot of them.
Tuesday, two people contacted me to set up times to discuss working with me. I expect to say no to both the prospective clients but agreed to Zoom connections with each of them so I could let them down gently. Hopefully, I will hold strong and not accept any more new clients because serving others is not where my focus is now. I am working to prepare for my death in an easy-to-manage manner for my family. I am failing miserably, of course, however Denial is still my favorite friend and I am much happier focusing on the illusion I can control my death. I am sure one of the reasons I am not afraid to die is because Denial is right by my side telling me, “It is never going to happen.” Denial is wrong (and so am I), but it makes me happy to think it could be true. There is always a chance I will see my eight-year-old, Mika, graduate from high school even though I may not even see her graduate from fifth grade. (I still think elementary school graduations are ridiculous even if fifth grade may be the only graduation I even remotely have a chance to see for Mika.)
I like the clients I currently work with and hope to work with them until very shortly before I pass, however, working is not high on my list of priorities. It is nice to have enough money in my business account to cover my expenses but making money at this point is not really where my head is. I will be releasing my journal entries as books as I complete 100-day groupings with completed videos for the eBook version, but I am sure actually publishing my books will get moved to the back burner because I will feel I need to do client work or Mika work before I do me work (other than actually writing the journal entries). We all know no one is ever interested in the story of your life until you are dead, so I feel it is much more important simply to have the process set up for my family to take over after I pass than having books available for people to buy at this time. I expect I will manage to knock off three or four published collections of journal entries before I pass, but it is more important I actually write the words in my head than get them out to the public.
In happier news, yesterday Mike and I walked a few blocks from our house to the street which leads to Mika’s school to watch, yell, and wave at the teachers for an end-of-school parade. The teachers decorated their cars and drove a loop which included both sides of the main street which divides the two neighborhoods that supply the school with students. Mika enjoyed waving at all the teachers she knew and I did record the event on the video camera so when she is older she can remember the last day of school during the pandemic of 2020. I am not quite sure what the teachers actually did after school was restarted in April because it was the kitchen staff, I believe, who passed out meals when Mika and I would take our weekly walk for worksheets and lunch. Perhaps other parents contacted the teachers regularly, however I simply had Mika do the four assigned tasks every day during the week and did not feel any need to contact her teacher. None of the assignments were instructions for new concepts so I never felt the teacher was necessary. I am also certain if there was a new concept Mika needed to learn, I was equipped to handle it.
My piece of advice to you is to accept and adapt to what life throws at you. Yes, I probably should have not taken my new client, and I need to put up my resistance wall to avoid taking possibly two more new clients, however, I really like my new client and I am able to simplify parts of her business which will give me a lot of joy. One can never have too much joy whether you have a death sentence or not.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
Yesterday I accepted a new client. I know better; I have quit accepting new client. Why did I say yes? I am still not quite sure a day later what I was thinking other than I really like my new client, and I told her I could only do work through November because my soul-sucking chemotherapy has been draining my energy and I do not know how it will affect me after several months of accumulated soul sucking. The work I need to do for my new client is not overly time sensitive or time draining. I think I can do approximately 20 to 30 hours of work for her during the next several months. Not every day has been horrible since I started the soul-sucking chemotherapy, simply a whole lot of them.
Tuesday, two people contacted me to set up times to discuss working with me. I expect to say no to both the prospective clients but agreed to Zoom connections with each of them so I could let them down gently. Hopefully, I will hold strong and not accept any more new clients because serving others is not where my focus is now. I am working to prepare for my death in an easy-to-manage manner for my family. I am failing miserably, of course, however Denial is still my favorite friend and I am much happier focusing on the illusion I can control my death. I am sure one of the reasons I am not afraid to die is because Denial is right by my side telling me, “It is never going to happen.” Denial is wrong (and so am I), but it makes me happy to think it could be true. There is always a chance I will see my eight-year-old, Mika, graduate from high school even though I may not even see her graduate from fifth grade. (I still think elementary school graduations are ridiculous even if fifth grade may be the only graduation I even remotely have a chance to see for Mika.)
I like the clients I currently work with and hope to work with them until very shortly before I pass, however, working is not high on my list of priorities. It is nice to have enough money in my business account to cover my expenses but making money at this point is not really where my head is. I will be releasing my journal entries as books as I complete 100-day groupings with completed videos for the eBook version, but I am sure actually publishing my books will get moved to the back burner because I will feel I need to do client work or Mika work before I do me work (other than actually writing the journal entries). We all know no one is ever interested in the story of your life until you are dead, so I feel it is much more important simply to have the process set up for my family to take over after I pass than having books available for people to buy at this time. I expect I will manage to knock off three or four published collections of journal entries before I pass, but it is more important I actually write the words in my head than get them out to the public.
In happier news, yesterday Mike and I walked a few blocks from our house to the street which leads to Mika’s school to watch, yell, and wave at the teachers for an end-of-school parade. The teachers decorated their cars and drove a loop which included both sides of the main street which divides the two neighborhoods that supply the school with students. Mika enjoyed waving at all the teachers she knew and I did record the event on the video camera so when she is older she can remember the last day of school during the pandemic of 2020. I am not quite sure what the teachers actually did after school was restarted in April because it was the kitchen staff, I believe, who passed out meals when Mika and I would take our weekly walk for worksheets and lunch. Perhaps other parents contacted the teachers regularly, however I simply had Mika do the four assigned tasks every day during the week and did not feel any need to contact her teacher. None of the assignments were instructions for new concepts so I never felt the teacher was necessary. I am also certain if there was a new concept Mika needed to learn, I was equipped to handle it.
My piece of advice to you is to accept and adapt to what life throws at you. Yes, I probably should have not taken my new client, and I need to put up my resistance wall to avoid taking possibly two more new clients, however, I really like my new client and I am able to simplify parts of her business which will give me a lot of joy. One can never have too much joy whether you have a death sentence or not.
Until next time,
Susanne
Please check out my GoFundMe page.
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